Headmaster's Newsletter Friday 24 January 2025
Dear Parents,
Last week I talked about Jennifer Breheny Wallace’s Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic — and What We Can Do About It (2023). Or, rather, I talked about many of the dangers that she sees in some areas of the educational world, where young people are put in ‘gilded pressure cookers’, leading to disenchantment, disengagement, anxiety, depression, and various abuses. This week, on a more positive note, I’m going to talk about some of Wallace’s proposed solutions out of this situation.
To begin with, mattering or feeling valued is key to her proposed solution out of this toxic morass. ‘Mattering’, she says, ‘begins with mattering to our parents and then extends outward to our community and the wider world. The more we feel valued, the more likely we are to add value, and the other way around — a virtuous cycle of interdependence’. To go back to our list above — anxiety, isolation, disengagement, depression, stress, burnout, eating disorders, and abuse of alcohol and other drugs — it will come as no surprise that rates of such negative feelings and behaviours go down among those who feel that they matter, and they rocket among those who feel they don’t. And mattering goes way beyond our academic results or how many social media followers we have. Children mattering to their parents for who they are, not what they’ve done in school, bestows them with ‘intrinsic value’, and a feeling of reassurance they will be kept safe within their family. Spending quality downtime as a family, while making it clear and explicit that children matter for who they are, is a fairly simple way to get on the right side of this. Showing that children are valued and add value leads to more positive mental health, and they will then be more likely to participate in their communities and continue adding value. It’s a win-win.
In addition, Wallace rightly discusses expanding the definition of ‘success’ to go beyond getting perfect grades, being at the ‘right’ school or university, getting the ‘right’ job to earn enough for the ‘right’ house etc. etc. and to start the potentially toxic process all over again. She even suggests allowing high-achieving children to ‘coast’ sometimes — their mindset doesn’t need to be in permanent growth mode — to ensure they can pace themselves in a healthy fashion. She rightly points out that, while Malcolm Gladwell talked about the 10,000-hour rule for being expert in one’s field, he also highlighted the importance of rest within those hours. She talks a lot about investing in friendships among both children and parents to develop decent support networks and to invest in high-quality rather than transactional relationships. She suggests eschewing materialism, taking the heat out of competition (replacing malicious envy with a more positive benign envy), focusing on positive character traits like respect and kindness, and volunteering. Indeed, Wallace sees children being positive and constructive members of their communities, caring and volunteering citizens, as key to countering the ‘narcissism epidemic’ sweeping through young people who are increasingly self-obsessed, self-focused, and self-reliant in the individualistic pursuit of their own success. Even within the home, Wallace notes, formalising chores for children helps to get them looking beyond themselves, out of their own minds, and more conscious that they are contributing to the greater good — that they are useful and they add value, with all the positive mental health benefits that this brings.
Wallace has even more advice for us all, to help counter this ‘generation running in circles with their eyes shut’. For educators, in particular, there are some helpful tangible suggestions. She encourages the adoption of a ‘mattering framework’ whereby everyone in schools knows how to make children feel valued, and how they can add value themselves; she talks a lot about the mental health of the whole community so caregivers can be in the best position to, well, give care; she highlights the importance of values and the importance of prioritising those such as kindness; she encourages ways of valuing all sorts of students, especially those whose talents may be less obvious, and of finding ways for everyone to add value; she underlines the importance of children feeling they matter to the adults in the school; she recommends finding opportunities for young people to offer service (something easier as they get older); and she talks about rethinking potentially toxic traditions that might inadvertently promote the less desirable traits noted above, while being clear that there are many different versions of ‘success’ and we needn’t all be crow-barred in the singular definition promoted by the more myopic type of school. All of this is welcome, and it helps underline that neither Wallace, nor I, are against high standards; quite the opposite. It’s about how we make those high standards sustainable for everyone, and especially for those young people on whose shoulders the burden is falling.
These practical recommendations are welcome, but will the culture described above really change? The idealistic part of me thinks that it might if enough people, parents and educators at the fore, notice what is happening and recalibrate their approach. But the more cynical part senses what Wallace herself notes, that ‘No one wants to be the first to drop out of the race’. Some people might, in the abstract, concede that what they are doing is, at best, counterproductive and, at worst, immensely damaging. But when the system hurtles along like a juggernaut, and the recalibration we are talking about needs to be seismically culture-wide, involving every aspect of the education system, who will be the first to opt out? Who will be the first one to shy away if they perceive that the system won’t actually change any time soon, so if they do want their child to be ‘successful’, then they have no choice but to keep going? I suspect that the ones most likely to do so never opted in, in the first place.
I really, really hope that I’m wrong, but two recent experiences underline my cynicism. The first was a conversation I had with an admissions officer at a famous ‘academic’ secondary school. They had just been on the phone to a prospective parent, who had said explicitly that they didn’t care whether their child was happy, they only cared whether they were ‘successful’. The second was an encounter I had while visiting a very famous ‘academic’ US university. In the foyer were piled-up copies of William Damon’s The Path to Purpose: How Young People Find Their Calling in life (2009) — a book similar to Wallace’s, and one to which Wallace owes a great deal. The students were being given copies of Damon’s book to try to persuade them that there were ways to live their lives, and pursue their careers, away from the high-flying well-remunerated corporate culture that had already permeated the university. I asked my friend, a lecturer there, whether their students were taking the book’s messages on board. ‘God, no!’ came the reply.
Have a great weekend,
Matt Jenkinson
Well done to all those boys who took part in the music scholars’ recital on Wednesday evening, as they prepared for their up-coming scholarship auditions. The standard on display was staggeringly high, and it was great to be able to use the beautiful ‘New Space’ – the auditorium on the College side of the Gradel Quads project. My thanks to Tom Neal, Natalie Bath, and all our VMTs who have helped to support the boys getting to this stage. We wish the boys the very best of luck!
My thanks to all those parents who attended the NCSPA meeting on Monday, giving up their time to organise ways to raise funds. We are very much looking forward to the NCSPA Quiz Night on Friday 31 January at 19.00 (questions start promptly at 19.30). The evening includes question rounds set by the SLT and a curry meal with vegetarian options; there is also a cost-price bar. Entry is by sign-up only, via https://square.link/u/fhJJJ2Ry. The Quiz Night always proves to be one of the best nights of the year in the school calendar. Last year’s winners (who also won the year before) have now retired, so we are looking forward to seeing who our new champions will be. In previous quizzes, teams (of up to 10) have grouped themselves by year group, but this is not a hard-and-fast rule. There is also, traditionally, a Year 8 pupil team, for whom the cost is significantly reduced: https://square.link/u/5la7IyfJ
We are looking forward to our Year 4 parents’ evening on Wednesday 29 January at 18.00. My usual notices regarding parents’ evenings: some colleagues like to make an early start so do please arrive a little earlier than 18.00 if you are at a loose end. Please aim to arrive by 18.30 so you have enough time to get around every colleague by 20.00. Parking is available in the playground from 17.00 once the area is clear of boys departing after their enrichment activities. If there are any issues that you feel would need longer than a c.5-minute meeting, please contact the relevant teacher in advance to arrange a separate chat.
Over the coming weeks, the boys in Years 3-8 will be carrying out their mid-year personal reviews. These increase in complexity/detail as they go through the school, but for all the boys self-review is a powerful tool as we reach this mid-point of the year. The boys will be given a series of prompts for each of their subjects, outlining desirable skills and outcomes in those subjects, and then the boys get to reflect on how far they have progressed so far this year. The self-reflections will then make their way home the week before the half-term break. This way, it isn’t just my colleagues and I ‘reporting’ on the boys all the time, but the boys learning to take greater ownership of their progress, with our help and guidance (of course).
Sport roundup: Last Friday evening, the U13 1st VII hockey team participated in the annual Oxfordshire county tournament. With ten of the strongest hockey-playing schools in the county competing, we knew it would be a tough and exciting few hours. The team had a strong showing in the group stages, with only one defeat and three wins, including a notable 2-1 victory over MCS. In the semi-final, the boys faced an unbeaten Bloxham, who had yet to concede a goal in their group. We knew this game required focus and determination. In an end-to-end encounter, we had goal-line clearances and stunning saves. With five minutes to go, NCS scored the winning goal—a brilliant solo effort that rattled the backboards. In the final, we took the lead after five minutes against a very strong Abingdon. Holding on for another 10-11 minutes was always going to be difficult, and we eventually succumbed to Abingdon's pressure, losing 2-1. However, the NCS team deserves much respect for their efforts, as this second-place finish means NCS remains a powerhouse in Oxfordshire schools' hockey and will represent the county at the upcoming regional finals in March.
This week, the U13 team played Summer Fields on Wednesday afternoon in a very entertaining set of fixtures. With a mixed bag of results, honours were even at the end of the day, with both schools taking two wins each. Our B and D teams narrowly lost their games but gave their all, and with a bit of luck, the results could have been different. On the other pitches, both the A and C teams won their games. The C team managed a sneaky 1-0 win in an end-to-end game that saw some great hockey. In the A team game, despite going 1-0 down inside two minutes, the boys rallied and played exceptional hockey, achieving a victory with a double-figure goal tally! Finally, we wish the U11 team all the best as they participate in the younger version of the county cup. They also travel to North Oxford for what promises to be another epic afternoon of sport.
Upcoming Events
Monday, 27 January 2025
Thomas Franks workshop with Year 5 (9.00-10.00) and Year 4 (10.30-11.30)
15.00 U12 A County Cup Hockey, Tilsley Park
Tuesday, 28 January 2025
14.00 U8 & 9 Hockey House Matches, Iffley Road
Wednesday, 29 January 2025
8.15 Eco-Committee Meeting CLC
9.00 Chapel. Speaker: Mr Richard Poyser, Director of Music, D'Overbroeck's
14.00 U13 A-D Hockey vs Hatherop, St Edward's
14.15 U11 A-D vs Cranford House, Away
18.00 Year 4 parents' evening
Friday, 31 January 2025
19.00 NCSPA Quiz and Curry Night -- sign-up only (Sports Hall; rounds begin at 19.30)
Tuesday, 4 February 2025
U8 & 9 Hockey vs Chandlings, Iffley Road
Wednesday, 5 February 2025
9.00 Chapel. Speaker: Lyndon Webb, Associate Chaplain, Merton College
14.15 U11 A-D Hockey vs Chandlings, Away
14.15 U13 A-D Hockey vs Cranford House, St Edward's
17.30 Governors’ Meeting (McGregor Matthews Room)
19.30 Year 6 theatre trip: Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker, New Theatre, George St.
Thursday, 6 February 2025
15.00 U11 A IAPS Hockey, Tilsley Park
Friday, 7 February 2025
8.15 Tosca rehearsal, CLC