Complex Conversations
Also known as:
- Critical, Crucial, Challenging, Difficult, Hard, Problem Resolving or Tough conversations
Starting with Ourselves
Avoiding
- Pretending the issue doesn’t exist, or postponing dealing with the problem and hoping it goes away (aka the ignoring strategy)
- Issue or concern may worsen over time if not addressed
Accommodating
- Putting concerns of others as first priority over your own views
- May lead to feelings of resentment
Compromising
- Both parties give up something in order to find a mutually acceptable solution
- Often used when the outcome is not crucial and time is of the essence....for example, when you want to just make a decision and move on to more important things
- Potential for no one to be really satisfied
Competing
- This is the most aggressive conflict style and creates a “win-lose” situation
- While it may provide a quick resolution, you are likely to harm relationships with this approach
Collaborating
- All parties involved hear each other out and work together to try and achieve their goals
- This approach is complex as making space for everybody’s ideas and arriving at a path forward requires trust and time
Before the Conversation
- What would be the ideal outcome for you and for the person you’re speaking with?
During the Conversation
Acknowledge - Honouring existing state | Assuming positive intent
Thank you....
- For being here
- For being open to our conversation
- For your commitment to seeking ways we can move forward
Inquire - Listening to learn | Wondering from a place of possibility
- I'm wondering if...
- I'm curious to understand more....
Advocate - Framing desired state | Locating and amplifying resources
- Our shared goal is....
- What specific ideas, people and resources might be of assistance?
Problem Resolve - Checking for congruence | Mapping out next steps
- What are our next steps?
- How will we know if they are working? (measurable indicators)
Additional Ideas to Consider
- Complex conversations are rarely a "one and done"
- Intellectual Humility
- Working with Resistance
- Our 50% of the Equation
- Importance of our own Mentoring web
Relationships are complex, messy and need continued care.