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The Criterion Hamilton High West School Newspaper

Welcome to The (New) Criterion

March 2024, Issue #9 & 10

EDITORIAL

Hamilton West places renewed emphasis on student behavior

by Sean Collins, Editor-in-Chief

Mr. Smith, Hamilton West’s principal, recently announced several new policies in reference to using the bathrooms, cutting classes and attending lunch.

The first update was that bathrooms are no longer to be used for recreational activities, but instead only for their obvious function: for students to use the bathroom. During his announcement, Mr. Smith stated that Hamilton West bathrooms are no longer going to be “a place to hide, vape, and vandalize.”

He also announced that class cutting and general disrespect demonstrated towards the school staff will no longer be tolerated, since this type of conduct disrupts other students and makes it difficult for teachers to do their job.

Mr. Smith’s final update was that students must now remain in their designated areas during lunch time, which includes only the cafeteria and the library. He no longer wants students wandering the hallways during their lunch periods, since he believes this, again, contributes to disruption and disorder in the school.

Mr. Smith also stated that any such misconduct will be met with disciplinary action up to suspension, so students should be wary of breaking these new rules.

At the surface level, these new rules seem to be a generally good idea to help reestablish order at Hamilton West, but, ultimately, only time and students’ actions will determine whether these policy updates will have a positive effect on the school as a whole.

In a freak lab experiment, resource officer and therapy dog combined into one cute, shaggy cop

by Isabella Pranvaku

In a bizarre twist of fate at Hamilton High West, a freak bio lab experiment has resulted in the fusion of the school’s resource, Officer Carvale, with Tula, one of the school’s therapy dogs, creating a unique and adorable shaggy cop. Officer Carvale, known for his strict demeanor and no-nonsense attitude, now finds himself transformed into a furry, four-legged officer with a wagging tail and a penchant for belly rubs. Students and staff alike were initially shocked by the unexpected transformation, but soon found themselves warming up to the lovable new addition to the school’s security team.

The newly dubbed “Officer Woof” quickly became a hit among students, who couldn’t resist his fluffy appearance and friendly demeanor. Instead of patrolling the hallways with a stern expression, Officer Woof now trots around with a happy grin, spreading cheer wherever he goes. Despite his unconventional appearance, Officer Woof has proven to be an effective resource officer, using his keen sense of smell and sharp instincts to sniff out trouble before it even begins. His ability to calm anxious students with a gentle nuzzle or a playful bark also makes him an invaluable addition to the school’s therapy program.

However, not everyone is a fan of the new shaggy cop. The local cat population, in particular, was less than thrilled with Officer Woof’s presence, leading to some comical showdowns between the furry officer and his feline foes. As news of Officer Woof’s unique transformation spread, other schools began expressing interest in creating their own canine resource officers. Some even joked about the possibility of merging teachers with various animals to create a whole breed of educators. While the science lab experiment may have been a happy accident, Officer Woof’s presence at Hamilton High West serves as a reminder that sometimes, the most unexpected combinations can lead to the most delightful results. And who knows, maybe one day, we’ll see a whole pack of therapy dog cops patrolling the halls of schools everywhere.

Hamilton West welcomes new mascot - LIVE Hornets!

By Chelsea Nodeland

Breaking News! Starting in the 2024-2025 school year, Hamilton West will have their buzzing mascot brought to life. Get ready to welcome the swarm of Asian Giant Hornets to the Nest. Hamilton will no longer have a giant hornet costume as their mascot but instead hundreds of tiny insects flying around as they support our sports teams, band, and clubs. They’re the largest species of hornet all the way from across the Atlantic and their orange and black will be stinging you with school spirit. They are very friendly and welcoming to all despite being considered murderous.

Don’t fear, for there has been worry that our new mascots will inflict pain on fellow students and staff. The only harm there will be that is that of jealousy from other schools when they hear about it. Our very own beloved Mr. Patterson will be tending to the hornets. He plans to keep them in his classroom and teach them to speak English.

You can get to know them at our next pep rally where they will be buzzing about. To get their attention, simply wave them over and shout. Excitement is already circulating among the colony as they are eager to enter the school in September. “Buzz, buzz” exclaims the queen. Join the spirit and get into the hive mind!

Hamilton West mice now allowed to attend class

by Megan Celio

Hamilton High West is known for its mice running around. They can be found at any point of the day, however they are quite friendly. They don’t harm the students and can be found just running around peacefully. Many classrooms have even named their mice friends.

“Our class has named our furry friend, Gibster.” said Mr. Patterson, one of Hamilton High West’s english teacher. “He’s an icon of the classroom!”

It is obvious that students adore the rodents that run the school.

Administration must have caught on to the love for the mice since they have implemented a new procedure. The mice of Hamilton High West are now allowed to learn how to read and write with new miniature desks added to each classroom.

“Mice deserve the same privileges as everyone else in this school!” said Mr. Patterson.

This new addition will be present starting with the 2024-2025 school year. The rodents will also be allowed to attend events too like clubs, sports, prom, homecoming, assemblies, and even pep rallies. Hamilton High West will now be the most inclusive school in the world. Administrators are priding themselves on creating an inclusive and secure environment for all students.

The Hamilton High West woodshop class is currently working to create a desk tiny enough to comfortably support an itty bitty mouse. They should have a prototype by the end of the school year and work through the summer to make over a hundred mini desks to please the mouse colony. The janitors will move in around ten mini desks per classroom. This new protocol will finally make every population of Hamilton High West happy going to school.

The mouse students are ecstatic to start school in September while teachers have purchased mini textbooks and pencils for the occasion. It is sure to be an exciting 2024-2025 school year!

West bathrooms closed due to the toilets aggressively squirting water onto students

by Abigail McKeever

Throughout the week of March 18, students sporadically got sprayed with toilet “water” when flushing the toilet. Some students who were victims and witnesses agreed to interviews.

“I went to flush the toilet and instead of going down the water squirted up. All of my clothes were soaked and dirty,” said victim Matie Kains with a distraught look in her eyes.

“I was washing my hands when I heard a loud scream and water spraying,” said witness Ava Frinder. “I wondered what happened and I looked around the corner to see Matie covered in water and toilet paper. At first I thought she had fallen into the toilet until I connected the dots.”

“Yeah bro, it was crazy,” said victim Jacob Jacobsin. “I was in the bathroom and I went to flush and this toilet spit the water back and got me all wet. Totally ruined my day man.”

“I also heard a high pitched scream come from the boys bathroom while I was waiting in line and then Jacob waddled out soaking wet,” said witness Benjamin Baker. “I didn't want to go in the bathroom after that.”

Throughout the week, these types of incidents have been happening in every student bathroom in the school. Due to the harsh nature of these water attacks, all Hamilton West Bathrooms will be closed until further notice.

Students will have to walk to the nearest 7/11 or pizza shop to use the bathroom. School administrators reminded students not to forget you cannot be out of the classroom more than 10 minutes or it will be a cut! No exceptions!

A teacher who wishes to be unnamed commented on the new system, “At least I don't have to watch the kids wait in line forever, now the pizza shop worker can do that!”

“At least they get to smell pizza when they go,” said Mr. Patterson, West’s journalism teacher. “Or those hotdogs that roll in the hot case at 7/11.” Apparently he was hungry.

Hamilton West says they will do their best to fix the tricky plumbing issue as fast as possible. West is Best!

More books have been flagged as inappropriate for our school library

by Katie Mains

Recently, many of the books in our school library and curriculum have been deemed inappropriate for high school students. Some parents, students, and members of the community have expressed concern about topics that are mentioned in some of our books. Hundreds of books are being put on the chopping block to be completely banned from not only our school but many others across the country. There is even a committee of teachers and administrators that look deeper into these stories to conclude whether or not they are truly harmful to our Hamilton West community.

The most recent addition to the extensive list of books up for discussion was a shock to the Book Challenge Committee. A student was reviewing books by the iconic Dr Seuss during Read Across America week. When this student was reading The Cat in the Hat, they were absolutely appalled. This book was made for children! There is blatant animal abuse, displayed on many of the pages. In this book, a 6-foot-tall cat breaks into the house of two children who were left home alone. He forces them to play immature games and make messes all throughout their home. This cat used peer pressure and persuasion tactics on these innocent young children. This is one abusive cat.

It is ridiculous that this story would ever be written in the first place. It does not belong on bookshelves where young, impressionable, children can be influenced by the terror this abusive cat caused. This book should be retitled, The Cat in the Jail. Getting rid of this book would create a much happier and healthier environment for all students.

If you feel passionate about this topic, feel free to sign the petition in the library. Together, we can make a difference.

Hamilton High West now allows smoking in the bathroom!

by Carissa Scelza

Realizing they were fighting a losing battle, district officials have announced that smoking, vaping, and juuling are now allowed in Hamilton High West. You heard it here! Majuanna, which is a hot commodity in our school, and some people's signature scent, is still “forbidden”! They really put the ‘high’ in Hamilton High West.

HHW is a very progressive school, but there are still strict rules on the smoking during school policy. For example, you are only permitted to smoke in the bathroom, not in the cafeteria, the gym, the classrooms, or the hallways. In addition, Smokin’ In The Boys Room, specifically the bathroom on “floor number two” is the sole place where you can smoke other things.

The female students are not authorized to smoke. District administration believes this is the best thing to do in order to prepare the women of our school for society. They must have the proper manners and learn how to run a household. Hamilton High School has also decided to bring back Home Economics for that very reason. “The only smoke that women should be dealing with is the smoke that comes off the food they cook,” Vice Principal Carl Snarl says. Home Economics will be implemented in the 2024-2025 school year.

The West girls like the idea of the addition of Home Ec to the curriculum, but do not understand why the smoking rule only applies to the boys. “Not only did our reproductive rights get taken away by men, but now just another injustice is taking place towards women,” student Lola King mentions. Although Bil Phillips, another student, exclaims “Why quit, when you can get lit?!”

The new smoking rule will be implemented IMMEDIATELY! Everybody knows that smoking ain’t allowed in school, yet everybody knows that Hamilton High West ain't fooling around with the rules.

West considering new gym class to replace swimming lessons

by Xianna Reed

For most schools, swimming is not a requirement for gym class and at Hamilton West, has ceased to be offered. In recent voting, students felt a mosh pit would be the best way to exercise and burn off energy. There have been numerous analyses and studies that point to the benefit of this type of activity.

There are about 20-35 students per class and three to four classes per gym period. With those numbers there will be 75-100 students, so there is plenty of room with the dividers, basketball nets and bleachers put away. Lastly the speakers are loud enough to create that effect.

This can be proven to be dangerous and is very active so there will be rules put in place to go as smoothly as possible:

parent permission forms signed once a week to make sure the parent still would like to continue

Warning on such permission slips so parents know exactly what their child is getting into

If someone falls, pick them up

If you’re not in the pit do not mosh

Keep tempo and pace

Nothing is personal

Don’t pull anyone in

Keep drinks and any items out

Respect everyone

Don’t throw things in the pit

After much review we've decided to post this list and let you, the Hamilton West Students vote. Mosh or no mosh. Benefits to the mosh: releases anger, stress energy and anxiety, cons- possibly hurt, loud music, possible tiredness. While there are additional studies that need to be done, there is a great possibility it could be added to the 2024-25 gym period. A note will go home soon so that you can discuss with your parents and come to a decision and cast your vote.

All the stories after the editorial were fake!!! April Fools!!!!

WINTER SPORTS WRAP-UP

Wrestling team’s young core shows promise for future seasons

by Nathan Barrett

The 2023-24 wrestling season has come to a close and even though their record was not great this year, there were still many promising signs and great moments. This year the team had a young core and battled to a record of 2 - 19. The team had many great individual wrestlers this year, including junior Dominick Johnson, who had a record of 19 - 7. He placed first at the Blue Devil Classic and 3rd at the Rumble in the Pines.

Sophomore Daniel Figueroa had a record of 23 - 11 and placed 1st at the Blue Devil Classic, 3rd at the rumble in the Pines, and 2nd at districts.

Daniel Figueroa

Junior John Espinoza collected over 10 wins, even with some rough patches throughout the season. One surprising improvement this year was Sophomore Carlos Rueda who had only wrestled one Varsity match before this season. He earned his varsity spot and proved he deserved it by improving to a record of 16 - 17, wrestling 32 matches before districts.

On another note, the Hamilton West Girls’ wrestling team had more opportunities this year as the sport grows. They had 1 dual match this season against Trenton, beating them with a score of 39 -24. This year the girls had a very successful season with a ton of medalists at MCT’s and placing 2nd there as a team. Hannah Abdelnabi placed fourth at regions, which is one win away from going to the state tournament. Overall, the girl's team had a great season and is only looking better for next year as the sport continues to grow and more girls join the team.

This season, even though their record was not great, the Hamilton West wrestling team showed lots of resilience and continued to build their foundation for the future. They have a young strong core and are bound to be much better in the coming years.

“The 2023-2024 wrestling team was a group of great guys and girls,” said assistant coach Seth Chorba. “The camaraderie, support and care they displayed was amazing. We often received compliments from parents and staff at other schools about our team's enthusiasm and positivity. It was infectious. We grew as a program and as people. I look forward to building on what we have done next season.”

Interview with head coach Gerardo Belviso

Coach Belvisio

Q: How did the season go compared to your expectations?

A: This season was strange in a lot of ways. I expected to battle adversity for the boys' side due to losing a lot of experienced wrestlers from last year. That said, the boys laid down a foundation to build upon for the next coming seasons. On the girls' side of things, the season exceeded expectations. They were able to compete and win their first dual meet, as well as compete in the first Girls Mercer County Tournament. The girls also got the most amount of matches they've had with added tournaments to their schedule. Most importantly, the culture of the team continued to be a strength. Our wrestlers conducted themselves respectfully and enjoyed the tight knit relationships that were built throughout the season. This sport challenges you in so many ways and I thought our student athletes did a great job of representing themselves, their team, their school, and their family.

Q: What new challenges did you face as your first season as head coach?

I believe the biggest challenge this year was simply numbers. This sport can be a tough sell to students that aren't familiar with the sport or have preconceived notions. The more wrestlers we get in the room, the better, period. Once you are on the inside, this sport can grab a hold of you and become very addictive and rewarding. Due to low numbers, depth became an issue at certain weights. Being so young and inexperienced was challenging in terms of our dual meet season. This is a difficult sport as a beginner and we asked a lot of certain wrestlers to go out in the varsity lineup against much more experienced wrestlers.

Winter track runs circles around the competition

by Sean Collins

To no surprise, this year’s winter track season was another great success. Several new faces made appearances on the team this year, as well as many returning athletes including captains Sean Collins and Quincy Moss. Coaches Troy Scales, Gerard VanSlooten, and Stephen Ziegler led this year’s 60-member team to great success this year in preparation for the spring season later this year.

In order to gain a greater insight into the proceedings of this year’s season, head Coach Ziegler was questioned about his opinions on this season. Here’s what he had to say about this year’s athletes:

Coach Ziegler

Q: How did this year's winter track season compare to past seasons?

A: We had more commitment from a larger part of the team this year than years prior.

Q: What was your favorite memory from this year's season?

A: [My favorite memory was] Jaquaye Barnes surprising everyone and advancing to finals in the sectional meet.

Q: What do you feel was the team's greatest success this season?

A: [The team’s greatest success was] everyone's commitment to getting better each day.

Q: What were some goals you hoped to achieve this year? Did you achieve them?

A: [Some goals this year were] to get the younger athletes to buy into the program and build a leadership group that would set a good example for those younger athletes. I think we had that this season.

Q: How do you hope this year's winter track season will affect the spring season this year?

A: I'm hoping the hard working attitude that everyone displayed in the winter season will follow through for the spring. I'm hoping to see those athletes who worked hard in the winter see that hard work pay off a lot more in the spring.

Overall, it is clear that this year’s winter track team made great progress this year. We can only hope that the hard work put forth by West’s athletes will carry over into the spring season. For now, it seems the coaches are very optimistic.

Hamilton West ice hockey caps historic season with win at home in state playoffs

by Milo Szczukowski

Another fantastic season for the Hamilton Ice Hockey team! The group finished 7-31-1, which placed them second in the CVC Valley Division, and qualified them for state playoffs.

The team celebrated a huge victory by beating Princeton, 3-2, for the first time since 2008.

“I'm proud of the way our West players contributed to the team,” said head coach John Patterson. “They showed up to every practice ready to work and really led by example the entire year. Colin [Henderson] really developed into a physical force on the ice and earned every minute that he played. All of his hard work was rewarded in the last game of the season when he was paired with our two top forwards in the state game against Manasquan.”

Patterson mentioned a few students in particular for providing important contributions; senior Colin Henderson, juniors John Seals and Nick Palazzone and sophmores AJ Gray and Matt Cullen. Heres what some of them said regarding the past season.

Are you proud of your work this season?

Gray: “Im proud of how far I’ve come.”

Cullen: “I think to some extent I have improved, but I'd still like to work on a lot of aspects of my game. I'm proud of myself and my linemates for significantly improving this season.”

Seals: “I am proud of what I accomplished this season. I started barely being able to keep up with 3rd line to being able to keep up with 2nd line the whole game.”

What do you think you can improve on for next season?

Gray: “I want to help use make it farther in states”

Cullen: “I'd like to work on a lot of things, mainly positioning, getting involved in the play, etc. During off-season, in my efforts to improve i'd really like to bring along some of the guys on the team to practices to build good team cohesion”

Seals: “Next season I want to focus on being more of a leader and for the obvious part getting more goals.”

Its very clear the team has come far this season making great improvements and strides, even accomplishing goals set in the beginning of season like qualifying for states. Such amazing improvement isn’t done all on its own-it’s led by Coaches and Captians. As team captain and senior Ashton Truelove definitely has alot to say on behalf of this season and his team overall.

Are you confident in the state your leaving the team in and are you proud of your work as team captain?

“Yes I believe the team has come far this season and being left off on a good note. I am very proud of my work as captain. I believe I was able to lead my team through adversity and that I was able to push the newer players in the right direction.”

How do you feel about this season overall?

“I feel happy with the season overall, we started the season off rough and towards the end we came together abd won crucial games. It was overall really fun and im surely going to miss my teammates and coaches.”

Did you enjoy your time spent as captain?

“I really enjoyed being captain for Hamilton. It was something I got to experience for the first time and it was fun. It teaches you leadership which is something i got alot better at this year.”

Boys’ basketball battles though tough season

by Joseph Radoslovich

The Hamilton West boy’s basketball season started out promising with a 3-0 start, beating Steinert, Sankofa Freedom, and Trenton. While the hype was high for the Hornets, it quickly came to a halt after facing crosstown rival Nottingham, a game the Hornets lost in a nailbiter. The season went into a freefall from there with five straight losses.

The team didn’t secure their next win until January 10 against Princeton. Even with the Hornets’ top scorer Hass Cannon out for the game, they managed to win 68-34. Unfortunately, it was ultimately a fluke and not indicative of what was to come.

Hass Cannon

West lost the following three games (Allentown, Red Bank Catholic, and Ridge), all on the road. After a 4-8 start to the season, West had to face off against the top team in the CVC, the Hopewell Valley Bulldogs. West took a statement victory beating the Bulldogs 49-44.

The next five games were a microcosym of the whole season, losing the five by a combined 30 points. Flashforward to senior day and West mustered up the energy to take down an impressive Notre Dame squad.

West did not end up making it in the top eight to qualify for the Mercer County Tournament, so they had to settle for the consolation tournament where they handled Lawrence in the first round, then lost by three in the second round to West Windsor Plainsboro North.

In state playoffs, West drew the 14 seed and faced off against the third seeded Burlington Township. West was winning most of the game until top scorer Hass Cannon fouled out and star forward Devyn Wright-Myles battled cramping throughout the fourth quarter and overtime. The Hornets’ season came to an end by a defeat of 57-50 in the first round.

Mekhi Lott

It was definitely not the way the basketball season was supposed to go, through the ups and downs, the underclassman and coaching staff have a lot to make up after losing seniors Hass, Cannon, Devyn Wright-Myles, Mekhi Lott, John Soganic, and Joe Radoslovich. Although, with that “WOOORRRKKK” energy, anything is possible for the seasons ahead.

John Soganic

DONATE TO THE CRITERION

Your donation will support the student journalists of Hamilton High West. Your contribution will allow us to purchase equipment and cover our annual website hosting costs. To donate, please send a check to: The Criterion, Hamilton High West, 2720 South Clinton Ave., Hamilton, NJ 08610.

Editor-in-Chief: Sean Collins

Editors: Nathan Barrett, Riley Collins, Aileen Gomez, Alexia Gomez, Ava Iorio, Troy Vallery

Staff Writers: Ava Clugsten, Adreanna Cruzeta, John Daily, Sohaila Elkhateeb, Rheanna Feliciano, Tyler Fuller, Luna Garcia-Yax, Tiara Gonzalez, Yackelin Gramajo, Kaamil Hall, Maria Jagielska, Emilia Martinez, Kelsie Massingill, Mykayla Miles, Kamryn Mooney, Mahase Naitram, Ben Schafer, Kamaya Swain, Richardy Zambrano

Staff Photographers: Caleblyn Hall, Toka Gahin, Tiara Gonzalez, Joshua Martinez, Kamryn Mooney, Mahase Naitram, Jurne Palmer-McGriff

Advisors: Mr. Panfili, Mr. Patterson

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