Issue 144 – February 2025
Make your public notice actually readable by the public (a before & after)
If you’re truly hoping to inform the public, you’ll get further with something the public can actually understand.
Public notices are a common sight as companies meet requirements to let people know what they’re up to. Chances are, your eye slides right over them if you don’t have a strong interest in the subject.
A recent newspaper notice caught my eye because the first paragraph was so long. You know me, I had to take a closer look, running it through the Hemingway app. Here it is:
The app ranks this at a “post-graduate” level, typical of dense academic papers, and rates it “Poor.” All three sentences are VERY hard to read, averaging a bloated 40 words each. The American Press Institute says only 10% to 19% of readers will be able to understand this level of writing.
Here’s how to help make this notice more readable:
- Using acronyms like CN is fine, but the place to spell out what it means is the first reference. Move this to the first sentence. Also, write out the full name first and then use the acronym.
- You don’t need to put quotes around the acronym, which seems to be a standard Legal department move. If tempted to do this, imagine yourself saying this out loud and making “air quotes.” Doesn’t it suddenly seem shifty?
- Note that the original notice wrote “According” instead of “Accordingly.” Take it out anyway.
- CN explains that it has to publish these notices under various pieces of legislation. The opening sentence seems to be a standing “boilerplate” leading up to naming that legislation. At 30 words, that intro alone has just a 40 to 49% chance of being understood, never mind the 50 words it takes to name names. So pull out the legislation behind this public consultation and put it into a separate sentence.
- Explain why you’re taking the action that requires a public notice. (I'm guessing at the explanation.)
- Break up the lengthy paragraph into more and shorter sentences.
- Use simpler words, like “aims” instead of “endeavors” and “us” instead of “proponents.”
- “As it continues on its path to growth” is corporate throat-clearing, as Steve Crescenzo would say. Take it out.
- Let’s also warm this up by saying “our” instead of “its.”
Here’s my revised version:
The result still has room for improvement, but it’s rated a much better Grade 11. And at an average 18 words per sentence, it should result in 80% to 89% reader understanding.
Often, a company’s Legal department is behind some of the wording that makes these notices so dense. But if you’re truly hoping to inform the public, you’ll get further with something the public can actually understand.
Have you seen a “before” piece of writing that needs an “after”? Please share! I’m always looking for good (and you know I mean bad) examples.
Related reading:
How long should a sentence be? Ann Wylie explains
A look at another hard-to-read post meant for the public
In the Red Jacket Diaries:
Even more to learn about AI, in links you might have missed
Dissonance and polarization in 2024? Sounds about right
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