Both can be true.
Black-and-white thinking, also known as all-or-nothing thinking, is a style of thinking in which individuals perceive the world around them in extremes, failing to consider any in-betweens.
For so long, and especially during my time at Western University, I fell for this trap of thinking. I would be so hard on myself to accomplish X, Y, and Z, thinking that I’d only be happy when I achieved all my academic goals. I thought that if I took time to relax and have some fun, then I wasn’t a committed student. I’d look at situations with an all-or-nothing lens, not realizing that the complexity of the world, and human life especially, cannot be simplified into black or white.
As I reflect on my first four months in the AKFC International Youth Fellowship program, I realize how powerful my time overseas has been in expanding my worldview and challenging my past ways of thinking. While previously I had rigid thinking patterns, I now question my assumptions.
As an example, whenever I met non-Canadian students at university, I’d incorrectly assume that they were in Canada to stay. However, many of the friends that I’ve made in Dar es Salaam studied abroad, and then came back to Tanzania to start their careers. They told me that this was always their plan; that they were proud to call this country their home and wanted to support its economic growth.
Sometimes those in the Western world, like myself, have the misconception that everyone wants to leave their countries and come to places like Canada.
However, the friends I’ve made here have shown me that young Tanzanians may be drawn to particular experiences at a North American university, and also want to see their countries progress to new heights. Both can be true. Accordingly, this Fellowship has been successful in helping me move away from black-and-white thinking and begin seeing everything in different shades of grey. This goes to show how important it is for Canadians to have experiences abroad.
Learning to see that two seemingly contradictory ideas can both be true simultaneously, such as in the example above, is an evidence-based technique used in dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) and is something I first heard about from close friends of mine who take part in DBT with their therapists. While there is an unfortunate amount of stigma surrounding mental health, I hope that sharing a day in my life can show my readers the benefits that incorporating such techniques can have on their overall well-being and quality of life.
A DAY IN MY LIFE
I groan as my alarm rings way too loudly. “I’d rather be sleeping,” I think. However, as my feet hit the floor and I remember where I am, I also begin feeling excited for the workday ahead.
Both can be true.
While drinking my morning tea, I’m bombarded with numerous messages. “Ugh,” I think. “Now I have to reply to all these people.” As I work my way through my inbox, I feel happy that my loved ones are keeping in touch with me, despite an international time difference.
Both these ideas can be true.
As I head out the door and smile up at the East African sun, I also step into a puddle from last night’s storm. While I’m glad for the beautiful weather (anything is better than snow!), I’m also a bit annoyed that my feet are all wet.
Both feelings can exist at the same time.
On my way to work, I encounter street vendors. I watch them approach nearby cars to display their items for purchase and see that many other passengers on the road ignore them. Perhaps the lady in the car ahead of me feels uncomfortable saying no and would rather avoid the interaction altogether. Maybe she feels for them but doesn’t need to buy what they’re selling. What if she holds an influential leadership position but still needs to fight against misogyny at her workplace and is, therefore, preoccupied with thoughts about the challenges she will face today?
All of this can be true.
As the Aga Khan Hospital sign comes into view, I feel a sense of pride for working at this world-class institution but also feel discomfort in knowing that the luxury of universal healthcare is an out-of-reach reality for many.
Both perspectives can be true.
Walking down the hospital hallways, an extremely busy physician who oversees an entire department tells me they just returned from their travels and how much they needed that break from work. Feeling overworked and burnt out by an understaffed and underfunded health sector, while still loving the opportunity to practice medicine and serve as a health advocate, is a reality for many healthcare providers in Canada and abroad.
A reality in which two seemingly opposing ideas can be true.
As I send yet another follow-up email, my impatience begins radiating out of me. “This is the fifth email I’ve sent! Will they ever reply?” However, I remind myself of the professional growth that comes with working in a setting that has different communication styles and norms than what I’m used to. Indeed, although you may not like the situation you find yourself in, you can still be appreciative of what it is teaching you.
Both can be true.
I begin reading the feedback that the hospital’s Ethics Review Committee provided for my Climate Change and Health research proposal and start getting upset at myself over an obvious oversight in my original submission. Before I fall into a pattern of all-or-nothing thinking, I interrupt my train of thought by compassionately reminding myself that my self-worth isn’t measured by my accomplishments or career successes. Yes, I made a mistake and yes, I still respect myself as a professional and as a person.
Both these ideas can, and must, be true.
As more work piles up and I’m given yet another research project, in addition to the reports and tasks of the two departments I serve as a fellow for, I feel exhausted. “I just want to relax,” I tell myself as I walk to the ocean that can be seen from my office window.
When I arrive on the sand, I take a deep breath and remind myself that prioritizing my health and well-being is as productive as working hard on the fascinating projects and programs that I’m grateful that I’ve been assigned to.
Both are important. Both can be true.
To be placed overseas in a dynamic and complex field of work, one must have the drive to make a difference. However, one must also have a sense of knowing when to take a step back.
Both are important qualities. Both must be true.
I take one last breath of ocean air and head back to my office, telling myself that many development workers find it hard to take a break, given that the work being done is so essential. More importantly, I remind myself that taking time to care for one’s mental health is just as essential. When I’m centered and managing my stress well, I’m able to learn and contribute to my full potential.
Both are true.
Sophia Kara is part of the 2023-24 International Youth Fellowship cohort, working as a Health Systems Strengthening and Climate Action Fellow at the Aga Khan Health Services in Dar es Salaam, Tanzania.
The International Youth Fellowship is one of AKFC’s wide range of opportunities for people from Canada to exercise and express their global citizenship.