Estela is my older sister and she is the main inspiration for this project. I built this project around our sibling dynamic. I keep a dark and very dramatic theme in my photos to show the isolation I experience daily. The darkness of my images aims to reflect the comfort I've found in the quiet and calm.
Being the youngest child is extremely isolating at times when everyone's moved out or is busy and suddenly you’re “forgotten.” Sometimes I feel left in the dark, but despite the darkness, there is always some sort of light. Mine just so happens to be my sister.
Estela was a bright child with a rough upbringing but I truly believe that she didn’t let that define who she was. I know that some part of her is healing her inner child whether it is through reading more or giving her children the childhood she deserved. A child is meant to read and get lost in the world of reading rather than having to be a mother to her younger siblings. She couldn’t do that as a child so she’s doing it as a mother. Estela told me that mothers have a son when they need someone to love them unconditionally. When she had her first child Orion she understood what that meant. Orion is her light.
Orion, just like his mom, is a bright and curious child. He’s always lurking in the background of photos even if in some you can’t exactly see him. This photo like many others was created by accident. I always describe Orion as genuine because he has yet to understand the world like others do and right now he’s on top of the world. Perhaps people view Orion as little because he is a child but I truly believe he is bigger than what others make him out to be.
There isn’t an official title to these photos but what it feels to me is like I’m being seen or noticed for the first time. Estela noticed me when I didn’t think anyone did. I know that my biggest fear is being on my own but Estela has always shown me that as long as she’s around I won’t ever feel alone.
The following photos weren’t specifically taken by me but my brother-in-law understood the vision I had and fired off the shutter. These photographs were more candid, spur of the moment creations. There isn't an official title for this shoot but If I had to title it I would call it "the odd ones out".
My sister and I don't exactly have the best relationship with our father so whenever we do see him and it's a family gathering I feel like the odd one out. I'm not sure how my sister feels but I feel that way because of the snarky comments or the dirty looks I receive from my aunts simply because I look like my mother. Perhaps I do it to myself by staying in my corner and not engaging but how can one engage where they know they aren’t wanted. Knowing that my sister is near me and understands me gives me a comfort I can’t put into words.
I've always been told that I look like my sister, that I sound like her, dress like her. My favorite has always been that we have similar laughs and smiles. People say that high school is the time to reinvent yourself which I believe because it is precisely what I did. I would see how my sister dressed or did her makeup and things began to catch my attention. She helped me find my identity somewhat. Yes, we look alike and are similar but at the same time so different.
I've always admired my sister ever since I was a child. She’s like a mother to me, especially because she raised me. My mother did as well but my sister is a clear example that if people want to show up, they will. When they look back, kids remember who showed up. There was a time period when our relationship was distant because I chose to shut people out but that changed when I started high school. Estela is my sister and my friend and I wouldn’t change that for anything.
I always felt that I was the child that my parents stopped parenting. My parents separated when I was seven so my father doesn’t live with us. I don't really see him. I live with my mother and yet I feel like I never see her either. I’m not sure how old I was when I started to feel this way or how old I was when my mother decided she didn't have to worry about whether I ate or did homework. Somewhere along the way I just began to do those things for myself. It was isolating and still makes me feel alone and ignored. This project has made me wonder if this is how my sister felt when they took her childhood and teenage years away to take care of my brother and I.
I’m not good with words and I felt that the only way I could express myself was through my photographs and this project. It was meant and created for my sister Estela. I can’t put into words how grateful I am for her. I hope this project says what I don't know how to. I did an interview with my sister as an assignment for this class. It started off as a silly little thing but it grew deeper and I felt that my sister was opening up and being vulnerable with me. I’m glad she did because I was able to understand this whole new different side of her.
I created a project with Nike in which I had to show my interpretation of air. I did my best to capture air in a childlike sense for this project. Air is that feeling of genuinely living and not just simply existing. My images reflect the urge to be a little kid again, play in the park, be by the pool, and simply feel on top of the world, which is what air is to me.