Chelsi Knight, who is best known as Cho, has used the negative experiences of childhood trauma and a kitchen fire accident to make her stronger and help her see her true value through the many facets of art she is interested in.
Introduction to Art and Dance
Coming from artistic parents, it was natural that Cho would be exposed to various art forms. “I remember seeing a video my father dancing in a doctor suit and popping, which was so cool and creative. My mom did ballet, tap, and contemporary dance. They were both film heads into movies and my dad DJed,” she recollected. “All of this got my attention as a child. Some kids would go out and play, but I was watching movies like (1978 classic) Grease and (1984 dance movie) Breakin’. I knew all the words and the movements.”
Cho attended college but ended up learning a lot more outside of the institution. “I didn’t finish school, but I got the experience of the institution of learning and how it differed from learning from the streets or how to ‘learn the real,’ she said. “I recognized the terminology being used for art forms and specifically hip hop being taught in an institution is not correct. It completely changed my outlook. I learned what was wrong and what needed to be corrected.”
It was post-college in 2015 that she started to take dance seriously. “I really wanted to be a full-time artist. Kenya Sutton (Known as Standing Ovation in dance and is also referred to as the ‘The Queen of Detroit’) has had a huge impact on my life. She taught me a lot about dance and trained me for battles,” she pointed out. “I had never done any training for anything I did. I would go to auditions for what was available, acting or dancing in plays like Aladdin and The Wiz, talent shows at school, and performances at Karamu (House in Cleveland, a Black theatre that opened in 1915, the oldest producing Black theatre in the United States).
A Low Point
When she was chosen to participate in multi-talented Raphael Xavier’s KOLÂDE-XCOPE, a site-responsive dance work presented by DANCECleveland and Cain Park in Cleveland in August 2021, Cho appeared to be excelling. The truth is she had been struggling even to do the things she loved. “During that time, I was feeling heavy emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. A lot of childhood traumas had come to the surface, and it was impacting me a lot,” she recalled. “I lost my inspiration to be creative. That lack of passion was so odd for me as I like to dabble in so many art forms.”
The event, which included breaking (by Xavier and Josh Culbreath), poetry, spoken word, and rap cadences with an improvisational and intuitive approach mixed with modern dance. The interactive performance created narratives by capturing a moment in time shared between the dancers and the audience. Without getting into details, Cho shared at the time that she was not in a great place and how much the opportunity to be part of it (dancers were invited based on their rounds at a battle the day before at the park) meant to her.
“I felt the need to express that at the time. I had pushed myself so hard and by the grace of the creator and wonderful people who came into my life, I was able to reach out and move forward,” remarked Cho, who noted three dancers/teachers particularly encouraged her. “Sammy Mac (Cleveland’s street dance 10K Movement founder Sam McIntosh), Chitra (Subramanian, a dance teacher who intersects her dance with social justice teaching), and Kenya are the three people who stood out in the forefront of my mind as impacting me and helping me to get back up.”
The Power of Friendship
She is particularly thankful for her friend King Kalim, a musician, produce, rapper, entrepreneur, and filmmaker in Cleveland. “He doesn’t like to take credit, but when I reached out to him, it was the first time in my life I asked for assistance. I told him I needed help and a resource for therapy. I had been in therapy when I was young, but it was not beneficial to me without understanding of how to share when I was only a child,” she communicated. “I told Kalim that I didn’t feel like myself, but I didn’t want to just shut down. He listened to me when I called him late at night. He gave me a suggestion, which led me to find a therapist. That’s where I learned the impact of trauma and things were projecting on me. Some of it was not even mine to take on, so I was able to address the things that were.”
“When I shared that I was struggling during that (KOLÂDE-XCOPE) performance, I wanted people to know that even if you are going through something heavy and you feel out of touch with life and the things you have a passion for, you are not alone. I am a testament of my own story that things can transition and get better,” she assured. “You don’t have to do everything yourself. You can have the genuine support of those around you. People are in your life for specific reasons. Don’t be afraid to speak up about what you are going through. It is not the end of your journey. I once thought I was at the end of journey, but I was shown differently. You have people to lean on and you can get better.”
She was introduced to Subramanian by Columbus dancer Donald Isom (owner of I Am D.A.N.C.E., which stands for “I Am Determined And Never Concealing Energy”). “We were at a park where he was sessioning and training with some of us when he introduced us to Chitra. Her movement is so flowy and down to earth. It is intense. We met there and connected after that. In 2018, we danced for a television show Dance USA Dance, a Bollywood dance competition that started in Connecticut and moved to New Jersey before coming to New York,” she described. “We were called Tribe and went to New Jersey and New York. It was my first time seeing how tv captured reactions and things like that and the first time I was in New York City. I wasn’t in a great place mentally, but I was fortunate to be part of a community that was doing everything to shake me up and encourage me. By doing what I enjoyed, I was starting to change my narrative.”
Cho met McIntosh at the same workshop she met Subramanian. That turned out to be a key meeting as the two became fast friends and he ended up inviting her to be a core member of the 10K Movement, of which she is still part of even though she moved to New York on April 1, 2023. “He has provided spaces in Cleveland to make dancers from all over feel welcome and safe at an event. Dancers know they will be taken care of when they go there,” she stated.
New York City
Her biggest adjustment top moving to the nation’s largest city has been the fast pace. “I am from Cleveland. We have time to process and made decisions. I have learned how to pick up my pace with certain things to not lose my sense of direction, which can happen when everything is moving so fast,” she acknowledged. “People here are raw and in your face. You see it all. Sometimes I stick out as a Midwesterner, but other times people have mistaken me from being from Brooklyn. We all must learn to adjust and adapt to not let the environment shut us down. I moved here to push myself personally and I am still learning to adapt in a place that can chew you up and spit you out.”
She has learned to move forward with her self-care as she expands her artistic expressions. “In a creative sense and in my self-growth, I have developed a sense of sternness that I needed to have, learning how to communicate effectively and determine who deserves the space in my orbit. A lot of people have good intentions, but not everyone does,” remarked Cho, who stresses the importance of being true to yourself. “Be an example to others that there are genuine people. It is up to them to receive, and you can create a chain effect of making the world a better place by being authentic. I have taken the route of healing and being a kind person while also setting up boundaries. What you put out in the world matters. I choose to put out an optimistic mindset but am still realistic that we can’t control everything.”
The Fire
September 15, 2022, is a day Cho will never forget. She believes that her past traumas and the work she has done to heal has allowed herself to talk openly about the incident. “I was cooking when I got distracted. I came back to the kitchen and an entire skillet of oil was in flames. My knee-jerk reaction was to put it out, but the oil spilled on my hands. I was in excruciating pain and quickly became dehydrated,” she recollected. “My aunt was there to assist me and took me to the nearest hospital. I remember they had to get my rings off, which was painful. The hospital didn’t have a burn unit, so they bandaged me as best as they could.”
She went to a burn unit the following day. “I saw the white on my skin that literally just peeled off. They put on cream and ointment. It was so painful,” she shared.
“My left hand got it a lot worse, but I couldn’t use either hand for four weeks. This was a defining moment for me that told me, ‘Cho you do so much and don’t ask for help. This is the moment to allow people to take care of you and help you. Allow people to be givers instead of doing it all on your own.’”
She had a lot of questions and concerns in those first days after the accident. “Will I be able to use my hands? Will I be able to draw again?” she wondered. “We didn’t even know what degree burns they were yet. I could not bend my hands and cleaning them was horrific. I screamed a lot and scared my aunt a lot with those screams. The burn unit is a tough place to be in. It hurt so badly. What was supposed to be the underlying protection for my hands was now exposed. I cried a lot and dealt with body dysmorphia about what beauty is supposed to look like.”
Cho considered getting tattoos to cover up the scars, but things improved quickly. “I eventually was able to go to occupational therapy and started to gain my strength back. The medical people were surprised at how quickly I was healing. I was taking care of it, cleaning it, and doing whatever I could to avoid an even more painful surgery,” she communicated. “People had to feed me and wash me. I didn’t want my life to be like this. I was nowhere near peaking in life. This is when I determined to change my mindset, to stop sleeping on myself and my abilities. I told myself that I am a dope artist with so many things to share. I decided to be more mindful of what I was doing and to lean on others when I needed them instead of only leaning on myself.”
The day after she graduated from the hospital’s burn rehabilitation program, Cho was in a photoshoot. “I had to wear gloves so my hands would not be exposed to the sun. My hands were stiff and there was still some pain, but I did it anyway and the photos turned out dope! I kept pushing myself because I didn’t want to be a victim. I got back into teaching dance programs to kids after school. One time a student came up to me and said, ‘You have a burn. So do I!’ She was so joyful and that gave me motivation to rock my hands,” she expressed. “I didn’t feel beautiful in my hands, but now I was a representation of others who have scars and/or are burn victims. I can still act in film, model, dance, and utilize my hands.”
She admits she has had visions about the incident and the burns, which were determined to be second degree. “I had nightmares that something was on fire or that I smelled fire. That was a trauma, and I am still very cautious to this day. I am more self-aware and more conscious about making sure everything is OK. It is a survival mode of the brain. Certain experiences may not necessarily go away, but we can choose to respond in healthy ways to continue moving forward in life. We are all continuously healing from our experiences on a day-to-day basis because you never know what may happen as we are seeing with the devastating fires in Los Angeles. We are always trying to rewire and cope,” she explained.
Community
Cho has learned so much from her life experiences and from those who have been part of her healing process. “All of my traumas prepared me to be the type of person I am supposed to be as I move through all of this. I wouldn’t change anything because I believe you are not put through anything you can’t get through. We all have a role and I am continuing to grow and recognizing my role,” she described. “I intend on using my gifts and fulfilling role. I think the experiences, no matter how hard, made me stronger and wiser.”
As she meets more people in her life, she notes that no matter how different their experiences may be, there are always some areas in which they can relate to one another. “One of the things I can’t relate to is not having a community. I like to get to know people and once I know them and sense they have good intentions, I help them gain community. I have no problem bringing them into spaces I am part of to meet the wonderful people I know, so they can build their own relationships. I don’t want anyone to be left behind, especially when they just want better for themselves. That is one way to start to help others build the types of community I am fortunate to be a part of,” she commented.
“Sharing stories of hardship helps you relate to others, allows you to be seen and heard. It shows them that they are not alone in whatever struggles they have and that they can still make it through,” she continued. “If you have a community of people, lean on them. Don’t be afraid to reach out. You may not even realize the support you have right near you. It is OK to post something online to ask for resources for therapy or to cover costs. My friend Josh (White) started a GoFundMe for my medical expenses (raising nearly double the $1,500 goal). Others may alert you to free services or aid you in getting information you need.”
Cho is thankful for therapy and encourages others to find healthy ways to take care of themselves no matter what they are going through. “Therapy has been a great outlet for me to understand myself better and how to navigate life. I use other tools like singing, praying, music, and creating a space that is my sanctuary and where I can find peace,” she expressed. “Journal or dance or use whatever healthy medium that helps you. Pay close attention to what you eat, what you listen to, how you stay physically healthy. Whatever you take in affects your psyche and how you operate in life. Tiny changes can be huge and little things matter. I have seen that firsthand.”
Credits:
Photos courtesy of Cho Knight.