February 2025
Love In Its Various Forms
“A strong positive attitude” is how my “Interpersonal Psychology” Professor defined loved. This may be the best definition of love, in a general sense, as it cuts across its various connotations depending on context. Examples include, but are not limited to: Self-love, love for others (specific individuals as well as humanity as a whole), love for physical and psychological pursuits, love for objects/material possessions.
Love on the spectrum (great, heartwarming show) can also be interpreted as experience at greater/lesser degrees of intensity, depending on an array of factors, some of which may include the situation, object of love, personality traits, preferences & brain chemistry of the “lover”. So, why mention all of this? To make the point that love is very subjective — defining it, objectively and generally, gives us a useful framework to pull from, but it doesn’t elucidate what love can look and feel like to each and every one of us, given our vast diversity in experiences and circumstances.
1. What's your attachment style and history?
On this last piece, it’s important to be aware of your attachment style and history — how were you shown love as a young child? What kinds of responses did you get form those closest to you when you tried to demonstrate love? For anyone interested in learning more about attachment science, I encourage you to read “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love” by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller (book link below this post). When we better understand our past, we can feel more empowered inchanging our present (and, thereby, influencing our futures). And, when we understand and accept where we have come from (how we were raised and shaped) we can more readily accept ourselves and others in the present.
2. Loving Kindness Meditation ~
Acceptance and love go hand in hand; if you are someone who struggles with accessing and emitting love, then I encourage you to try lovingkindness meditation (link below). One of its main goals is to bridge the gap between self and others — to lean into love, as an energy, action and attitude, and harness it towards all (self, others etc.). While it’s unrealistic to expect that the love you harness will be equally shared amongst everything and everyone that you interact with, it’s a helpful goal to set your aim, since it diminishes the amount of time that we think about ourselves. Considering our own needs, wants, preferences, etc. should be balanced / not overdone. Excessive reflection can turn into rumination, where negativity runs amok, leaving little to no room for helpful, positive reframes nor practical, action-oriented solutions to lift ourselves up.
3. What about Valentine's Day?
Lastly — Happy Valentine’s Day! There is no right or wrong way to spend (or not spend) this holiday. At the very least, try and practice love in one of its forms. If you’re struggling with love, just try and practice a virtue closely associated with love — kindness, generosity, compassion, acceptance.
Wishing you all well!