What Is Your “Why”?

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23 (NIV) For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks. Luke 6:45(b) (NKJV)

Sadly, many men live their entire lives without answering this basic question, “What is your Why?” We struggle with our duties as husbands, fathers, Christian brothers, employees, citizens, etc. Our masculine DNA gives us an awareness of “the right stuff thing” and so the latest self-improvement book becomes a best seller. We are often asked, “what do you do?” However, the basic question, ‘what is your why?’, is seldom , if ever, asked or thought about.

David, the great warrior and King of Israel, had failed miserably in his personal and professional life. However, these failures brought him face to face with his more fundamental moral failure and his own rendezvous with the question, “What is your Why?” In Psalm 51:10 David cries out, “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”(NIV) David knew that this spiritual process was necessary before his Why could be determined. He could then laser focus on the what and the how.

Retired Navy SEAL Mark Divine established Kokoro (spirit) Camp designed to prepare young men for the rigors of SEAL training and civilians for high performance life-styles. In his best seller, The Way of the SEAL, he writes, “I ask my trainees, ‘What is your why?’ I listen carefully, because their motivations are often a clue to who will make it and who won’t. One guy, a SEAL candidate, says, ‘To prove to my father that I have the right stuff.’ Fail. That’s an extrinsic motivator---i.e., powered by someone else’s values. Another says, ‘To be a better man so I can be a better father.’ This guy, a 40 year-old businessman, shows definite promise with strong intrinsic motivation, arising from his heart.”

It really is no secret that the secret is in our heart…not in our annual resolutions, Christian seminars, or self-improvement courses. The challenge is not to please our wives, our children, our Christian brothers, etc., by demonstrating that we have “the right stuff”. The challenge is in simple obedience to the Great Commandment, to love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind, a command as opposed to a suggestion.

In 2021 many things will again compete for our affections, our loyalties, our time…even our heart. It seems to me that if any man were to understand this principle and come under the authority and protective qualities of The Great Commandment that man would then have command of “the right stuff”. This fact would greatly influence all of our varied relationships and responsibilities. He would then be much more likely to fulfill his primary purpose, his life mission related to The Great Commission. His “GO” would be with resolution, confidence, and purpose.

Jesus, our consummate, apex example, said that “the Son can only do what he sees his Father doing”. (John 5:19) Clearly, Jesus’ heart desire was to please his Father. Just think how different 2021 could be if your heart’s desire was…“to have your words and deeds be pleasing to God”. Surely our wives would smile, our children would cheer, our churches would thrive, our communities would prosper, etc.

I established “my why” in 1986 as follows: To become a man of excellence in every area of my life---as a husband, father, son, grandfather, brother, neighbor, Naval Officer and American---by having the very character and mind of Jesus Christ incrementally formed in me, as a conscious decision of my will.

What is your Why? After some reflection, write it down in 50 words or less. Refine it, speak it aloud and with conviction a few times. Then in humility of spirit, share with your wife then a couple of men.

Barney Barnes, 05-10-2021, Promise Keepers National Ambassador for the Military and Prisons