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The quality of our lives depends not on whether or not we have conflicts, but on how we respond to them. ~ Thomas Crum
WHAT IS CONFLICT RESOLUTION?
Conflict resolution is a way for two or more parties to find a peaceful solution to a disagreement among them. The disagreement may be personal, financial, political, or emotional. When a dispute arises, often the best course of action is negotiation to resolve the disagreement.
The goals of negotiation are:
- To produce a solution that all parties can agree to
- To work as quickly as possible to find this solution
- To improve, not hurt, the relationship between the groups in conflict
Each side will usually get more by negotiating than they would by walking away.
WHY SHOULD YOU RESOLVE CONFLICT?
The main goal of negotiation with your opposition is to come to an agreement that benefits all parties.
Some other good reasons to negotiate are:
- To learn more about those whose ideas, beliefs, and backgrounds may be different from your own. By looking at the conflict from your opponent's point of view you will gain a better understanding of their perspective and motivations.
- Successful negotiations help smooth the way for future relationships, thereby increasing your allies.
- To find peaceful solutions to difficult situations. Negotiating saves precious resources (e.g., time, money, etc...) and you may actually make new allies and find new resources!
WHEN SHOULD YOU RESOLVE CONFLICT?
Conflict resolution is appropriate for almost any disagreement. Our daily lives offer plenty of opportunities for negotiation - between parents and children, co-workers, friends, etc., and as a result, you probably already have a variety of effective strategies for resolving minor conflicts. But for more serious conflicts, and conflicts between groups rather than individuals, you may need some additional skills.
For example:
- How should you structure a meeting between your group and your opponent?
- When should you settle, and when should you fight for more?
- How should you react if your opponent attacks you personally?
HOW SHOULD YOU RESOLVE CONFLICT
Four steps to conflict resolution:
- Understand the conflict
- Communicate with the opposition
- Brainstorm possible resolutions
- Choose the best resolution
Let's take a closer look...
One: Understand the Conflict
Conflicts arise for a variety of different reasons. You must clearly define your own position and interests in the conflict.
Questions to ask so that both parties can better define the conflict at hand.
- What are my interests?
- What do I really care about in this conflict?
- What do I want and need?
- What are my concerns, hopes, fears?
- What kinds of agreements might we reach?
- What will make the agreement fair?
- What are the interests of my opposition?
- If I were in their shoes, what would I really care about in this conflict?
- What do they want and need?
- What are their concerns, hopes, fears?
Two: Communicate with the Oppostion
Tips for productive talks:
- Listen. Everyone's opinions are important, because they are the source of the conflict. Acknowledging opinions does not mean agreeing.
- Let everyone participate who wants to. Those are the people who have a stake in finding a good resolution.
- Keep your cool by talking about strong emotions.
- Don't react to emotional outbursts! Apologize instead as it is often a rewarding technique.
- Actively listen. Rephrase what you're hearing as a question: "Let me see if I'm following you. You're saying that... Have I got that right?"
- Speak about yourself, not the other party.
- Be concrete, but flexible. Speak about your interests, not about your position.
- Avoid early judgments. Keep asking questions and gathering information.
- Work to find a solution for everyone.
- Find a way to make their decision easy. Focus on how your position satisfies their interests. Egos are important in negotiations!
For good ideas and true innovation, you need human interaction, conflict, argument, debate. ~ Margaret Heffernan
Three: Brainstorm possible solutions
Whether you are brainstorming in your own group or with both parties, you will want to establish some ground rules.
- Don't judge or criticize ideas to keep everyone thinking creatively.
- Maximize your options.
- Look for win-win solutions or compromises.
- Find a way to make their decision easy.
- Everyone should face the whiteboard or paper where all ideas will be written down.
Four: Choose the best solution
- Review your brainstorm ideas.
- Star the best ideas - these are what you will work with during the conflict resolution process.
- Set a time to discuss them and determine which idea is the best.
Which resolution gives both groups the most? That resolution is probably the best one.
What is your conflict resolution style?
Everyone has a conflict resolution style that they are most comfortable with. Take the assessment below to see how you score in each of the five styles: Compromiser, accommodator, competitor, avoider, and collaborator.
Reflection...
- Which style did you score the highest in?
- Which style did you score the lowest in?
- Do you agree with your results?
- Do you think your results would have been different if more context was provided for each statement? Why or why not?
- How likely are you to use the four steps to negotiating a resolution?
- In your opinion, which step seems the easiest and which step seems the most difficult? Explain your answer.
- Can you think of a conflict you have been involved in that would have been resolved differently had the steps of negotiation been used? How would the outcome have changed?
Credits:
Created with images by Tumisu - "man thinking doubt" • JESHOOTS-com - "waiting wristwatch man" • geralt - "negotiation forward harmony" • RyanMcGuire - "tin can speak talk" • Unknown - "Free picture: reflection, mountain, man, dock, water, lake ..."