What are Personal Boundaries?
Psychological term for a person’s ability to tell themselves apart from those around them, can also be known as a sacred space. Boundaries consist of the physical, verbal, time, emotional and relational areas of our lives.
Importance of Personal Boundaries?
- Boundaries help us avoid burnout.
- Boundaries help us maintains balance in our lives.
- Boundaries help us practice mutual respect for other people.
How to Protect, Maintain Personal Boundaries:
- Avoid feeling responsible for a person's mental health situation.
- Avoid carrying the emotional footprint of someone's mental health into your personal life.
- Avoid making a person's mental health crises your own.
Types of Boundaries:
Healthy Boundaries: Let good in and keep bad out.
- Share personal information appropriately (not too much or not too little)
- Understand your personal needs and wants and know how to communicate them.
- Value your own opinions.
- Accept when others tell you “no”
- Tell others no when appropriate
Unhealthy Boundaries: Limited or non-existent.
- Get too involved with others’ problems.
- Find it difficult to say “no” to others’ requests
- Seek to please others for fear of rejection
- Overshare personal information with others
Unhealthy Boundaries: Loose or porous.
- Not consistent
- At times healthy and at times unhealthy
Unhealthy Boundaries: Rigid
- Keep others at a distance
- Seem detached, even with intimate partners
- Have few close relationships
- Avoid close relationships
How to Set Boundaries
Use Actions:
- Physical contact/appearance
- Socializing/romance
- Social media
- Location
- Gifts and spending
Use Your Words:
Be selective in what you disclose and who you disclose it to.
When you disagree with someone:
I appreciate hearing your opinion, but I’m not prepared change my mind on this.
Can you please explain your reasoning on this?
That has not been my experience.
I’m intrigued by what you’re saying, though I’m not sure how it would work.
Saying no to a project of request for help:
I know I said yes, but I had not considered the other things I have going on. I can’t add anything else to my task list.
I need to free up some of my time. I can ask someone else on the team to help you.
I would be happy to help, but I need a day or two to prepare.
I understand the urgency, but this is not something I can take on right now.
If you're put on the spot:
This is not my area of expertise, but I can find out for you.
I don’t remember off the top of my head. I’m going to check my notes get back to you
I want to be sure and give you correct information. Let me call you back.
When someone is trying to wear you down:
I’d like to take a break and come back to this in a couple of hours after we’ve both had time to think.
I’m feeling overwhelmed right now, so it’s hard for me to focus on your feedback. I would like to take a break and discuss this later.
I’m surprised by all this, and it’s a lot to take in. I want to take some time to think about it and digest what you’ve said. Let’s come back to it tomorrow.
When someone knows how to push your buttons:
I’m putting my needs first and you won’t make me feel guilty.
I don’t feel like I have a chance to voice my opinion.
I feel shut out when you take over the conversation.
I understand how you feel. But now it’s time to talk about how I feel.
I feel undermined when you bring this up in front of everyone. Next time, please just talk to me about it in private.