Issue 138 – August 2024
7 steps to trim and tone flabby writing
Users complain an AI first draft is wordy and repetitive. It meanders and takes a long time to get to the point. And it can be filled with transitional words like “accordingly” and “additionally,” and adjectives like “ever-evolving” and “vital.”
Artificial intelligence may be fast, but its first drafts are not usually ready for prime time.
Users complain an AI first draft is wordy and repetitive. It meanders and takes a long time to get to the point. And it can be filled with transitional words like “accordingly” and “additionally,” and adjectives like “ever-evolving” and “vital.” No wonder experts suggest you keep asking AI to rewrite to be more concise.
That type of writing is what I call “flabby.” It cries out to be trimmed and toned.
Of course, it’s not just AI that could use a workout. Clients often ask me to take a look at material that needs tightening or a more friendly tone. This includes reviewing the document for wordiness, jargon, wayward punctuation, typos, grammatical errors, the passive voice and other writing that stops readers in their tracks.
If you want to trim and tone flabby writing, too, try these seven steps. (All examples are taken from actual documents from clients who shall be nameless.)
1. Reduce wordiness
- In order to -> to
- Provide enhancements to –> enhance or improve
- Is a reflection of –> reflects
- On a daily basis –> every day
2. Trade long words for short ones
- Approximately -> about
- Additional -> more
- Utilization -> usage
- Presently -> now
3. Be active, not passive
- It was decided -> NAME decided
- An issue has been identified -> NAME identified an issue
- It is incumbent on -> NAME is responsible for
4. Get rid of jargon
- Will be tasked with -> will need to
- Incentivize -> encourage
- Leverage -> use, make use of
- Skillsets -> skills
5. Use the right words
- Less vs. fewer (use fewer with things you can count, less with “mass nouns” like clutter that can’t be counted individually)
- Comprised of (should be composed of or just comprised)
- Myriad of (should be myriad, no ‘of’)
- Very unique (it’s either unique or it’s not)
6. Check for and fix inconsistencies
- Is a word sometimes capitalized, sometimes lowercase?
- Is a word spelled the same way throughout (email or e-mail)?
- Does a set of bullet points follow the same construction and format (such as starting with a verb)?
7. Hunt down and fix spelling errors
- Liason should be liaison
- Cummulative should be cumulative
- Unnesessary should be unnecessary
And don’t forget to look out for the Random Capitalization of odd Words here and There!
What offenders have you seen that contribute to flabby writing? Please share.
Note: This content updates a blog post that first ran in 2014. Some things never change…
Reponse to the July issue about similes
“Great discussion. I urge clients to use visual imagery. Here’s a favorite: ‘Being in job search when you don’t have a job is like playing a game of musical chairs. Only the people who are currently employed are eligible to participate. If you are unemployed, you are watching the action from the sidelines.’” – Janet Falk
“Great explanation, Sue, thank you. I always have trouble distinguishing – and remembering – the difference between analogies, metaphors, and similes!” – Michael Katz
Related reading:
11 ways to meet a stingy word count
Words and phrases that make it obvious you used AI
In the Red Jacket Diaries:
Flex your editing muscles to tighten flabby reports
Links to more writing tips you might have missed
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