Remember: the Profile Project is a profile—not a report, research paper, or personal narrative. Although profiles share some traits with these other genres, the central goal of the Profile Project is somewhat more sophisticated than a report, a research paper, or a personal narrative, and it's very important you get the genre right for this assignment.
Think of it this way: your profile should illuminate or otherwise give insight into its subject such that someone with no clear stake in the business/organization you've profiled would be interested in reading what you've written.
If your Feedback Draft only contained general biographical/historical details or information about how your chosen business/organization got its start, it missed the mark.
Aim to present whatever insight you'd like to share with your audience right away with a strong thesis statement that sets up the meaningful way you want your readers to “see” your chosen business/organization. Don’t be afraid to directly state to your reader the aspect of your subject that you’re highlighting; in fact, that can be a powerful way to give your readers the tools they need to encounter your subject in the way you want.
Consider how you can highlight your primary research. The types of primary research that we're looking for include vivid sensory details, relevant photos, interview material/quotes, descriptions, etc. This information is the key to a successful profile.
If you don't have this type of information yet, you'll need to either carefully review your notes or, better yet, reach out to someone involved with your subject or other individuals who can help you craft these details more effectively.
Avoid a writer-centered point of view as you tackle your revisions. Examples of writer-centered thinking include: "What did I experience when I researched this individual?" “What did I learn from interviewing this person?” "Is this a good business that I would recommend to readers?" "What are my feelings about this organization?" "What has my experience of writing this assignment been like for me?" Writing a first draft of any text with questions like these in mind is a natural part of the writing process.
However, as you revise your draft, it's time to shift your perspective and try to view your work from a potential reader's perspective. Questions that are reader-centered include:
- What would an external reader need to know about this organization if they've never heard about it before?
- How can I describe this situation to make its significance clear to readers?
- What would a reader need to know about this photo I'm including?
- How can I introduce the photo through a clear, focused caption?
- How can I introduce this person I interviewed in a way that feels meaningful to the reader?
Keep your reader's needs in mind as you take this opportunity to re-imagine your profile.
It's possible that you used the first-person point of view in your Feedback Draft (meaning you may have referred to yourself, used "I" throughout the text, or discussed your process of writing the assignment within the assignment yourself).
Including yourself in your profile is a style-choice that is available to you, but keep in mind: doing so can actually prevent profiles from feeling accessible to readers when the writer of the piece spends too much time discussing themselves, their experiences, or their perspective. What strategies can you employ to make sure you're shining the spotlight on your chosen business/organization instead of your own personal experience?
Editing can be a challenge, but it's important: careful editing underscores your investment in your own work and makes it easier for your readers to engage with your ideas. I find that becoming a strong editor of your own work is easier if you really practice 1-3 skills on each major project (rather than stress about how to make each project "perfect"). My advice is that you save at least one revision session (roughly 1 hour) to go back and edit at the sentence level for these specific issues.
To support your editing efforts, I'd like to share this workshop-based lecture that I created that will help you strengthen your writing through targeted word choice.