October ~ 2024
Transitioning from middle school to high school to college ~
Everyone is insecure to some extent. Most of the time, everyone is thinking about themselves. Messing up in front of others (on field, classroom etc.) really doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. If it matters to you in that moment, that’s fine; validate that (acknowledge what’s there/what you’re able to notice in terms of sensations, emotions and thoughts) but just remember that no one is seriously bothered by your mistake nor will they be thinking about it later. They’ll hardly remember it (if at all). Try to really feel this, and relax your mind and body.
1. Relax ~
If there are barriers to relaxing, identify those barriers, and seek to remove them, gently and effortlessly, through the breath and through guiding thoughts (i.e. inhale ease, exhale tension; in with peace, out with stress; in with strength, out with doubt, etc.). It’s important that you come up with these “in and out” phrases/ideas; when they are created and practiced by you (as opposed to reading/listening to someone else) then the effects will be more profound and long-lasting (more relaxation strategies at the end of this post – see below). When I was younger, I wish I had known about the mind/body connection, and how exercise, balanced meals, and adequate sleep are vital to good mental hygiene and overall well being. The benefits of getting a strong handle on these basics cannot be overstated.
2. Action/Inaction ~
When examining thoughts, feelings and behaviors, and seeking to change something about your life, start with action. When stuck, it’s easiest to place focus on action/inaction; you can apply the opposite action skill, here (see more about this at the end of this post) acting “as if” you ... (fill in the blank – this will depend on whatever it is that you want/need more of to accomplish some imminent task). For instance, I woke up this morning drained/not refreshed, but I am committing to “acting as if” I have the energy to go workout. Channeling the “as if” attitude allows you to feel as though you’re in charge of the day ahead, and not subject to your current feeling/mood dictating your actions. Action first and foremost, despite resistance.
3. Thoughts ~
You aren’t responsible for the first thought, but you ARE responsible for what you do with that thought next. It’s helpful to consider how you, as an individual, think (in terms of words, images, or both). You can also try visualizing what you want to achieve; the brain doesn’t know the difference between external and internal reality. Brain scans in one particular experiment demonstrated that the same amount of growth occurred amongst piano players who simply mentally rehearsed their fingers hitting the keys as the players who actually practiced (see Dr. Joe Dispenzas article at the bottom of this post, and check out more of his work if interested).
How you think, feel, and behave shapes the person you are setting yourself up to become. Who do you want to become? What type of person do you want to be? Who is (are) your role model(s)? What makes them this way? How can you “model” for your peers, younger siblings? If someone had asked me these questions, when I was transitioning to high school, I likely would have developed more self-awareness and been more considerate with my actions; I likely would have been more intentionally empathetic, and less oblivious to how my actions were impacting others.
4. Acceptance and Change ~
As an adult, I utilize the dialectic of acceptance and change personally and professionally everyday. Effective, long-lasting change occurs when we have first and foremost accepted reality as it stands in that moment. After accepting reality, we can skillfully turn attention to our options for change. With acceptance comes an absence of tension; negative emotions, resistance, and anxiety, all manifest as tension as at least one of the potentially “distressing” sensations experienced. I say potentially because so much of this comes down to how we are labeling our experiences, the stories we tell ourselves about the external world around us.
5. Enjoy the Outdoors ~
And speaking of the external world ... get outside more. Try breaking any excessive technology use with more outdoor activities (i.e. a walk, exploring nature, seeing a new city/town). Now is such a great time to commit to this, too, with the leaves changing. Enjoy the fall ahead!