Headmaster's Newsletter Friday 17 January 2025
Dear Parents,
During our INSET sessions at the start of term, my colleagues and I reflected on a number of recent works published about education. We do this each year as it’s a good way to keep our fingers on the pulse of developments nation- and world-wide, to see what we might be able to apply to our setting here, to see what to keep and to see what to tweak. One of the books we talked about was Jennifer Breheny Wallace’s Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic — and What We Can Do About It (2023).
In 2019 the US National Academies of Sciences, Engineering and Medicine issued a report named ‘Vibrant and Healthy Kids: Aligning Science, Practice and Policy to Advance Health Equity’. Some of the categories of young people it deemed ‘at risk’ were fairly predictable: those living in violent households and/or communities, or in poverty, for example. But the report added another, perhaps not immediately obvious, at-risk category: those young people ostensibly living in affluent, well-resourced homes in pleasant and well-maintained communities, but who attended intensively competitive and highly so-called ‘academic’ schools. These young people – up to a third according to some estimates – were especially vulnerable to anxiety, isolation, disengagement, depression, stress, burnout, eating disorders, and abuse of alcohol and other drugs. Before we assemble an orchestra of the world’s smallest violins, it is worth establishing that children are children are children, and the young people in this at-risk category are no less deserving of attention being paid to their mental health and wellbeing, irrespective of their family income or parental life decisions (more about that later).
The picture Wallace paints is one of a significant cadre of young people who live under enormous pressure: the peer pressure with which we are all familiar, especially in the world of social media, but also economic pressure, social pressure, parental pressure. Their schedules are chock-full with academic commitments, sports teams, and extra-curricular activities that will hopefully make them stand out when it comes to the next stage in their lives — which almost always means the next application. There is no down-time for them just to be children, to be something more than a standardised score, to explore the world around them, to nurture friendships, to decide whether the path they are on — or on which they have been put — is one they wish to follow. Wallace calls this a ‘gilded pressure cooker’ — these children’s houses are nice, their neighbourhoods are nice, their schools are nice. But they are not necessarily working on developing a sense of internal meaning and purpose. And too many parents, Wallace argues, are not prioritising raising good people, ethical adults.
As a result, many of those high-achieving young people are fundamentally unhappy. They think that their ‘worth is contingent on their performance’; ‘they only matter … if they are successful’; they feel that they have to be perfect or they won’t be loved. Their parents, too, experience the stress and anxiety of not being good enough at making their children ‘good enough’. Those parents feel they have to push their children forward and upward, to get in the right classes at the right schools, to get into the right universities, to get the right job at the right company, to buy the right house in the right neighbourhood. Even when parents think they are saying the right thing, Wallace argues that their behaviour can inadvertently override the best of intentions expressed by their words: claiming that they are not unduly concerned with mid-year test results, say, before asking what X or Y got in that day’s test. This is all compounded by the fact that, over time, parenting is allegedly becoming more and more intense, independent and isolated as society moves away from traditional models of the extended family, neighbourhood assistance, and wider community support for bringing up our children. And while parents feel that they are in some way failing if they ask for help and aren’t self-reliant.
Wallace argues that this parental approach comes largely from a fear of ‘status descent’, leading to ‘status safeguarding’. Their children’s high achievement is a ‘life raft in an unpredictable future’. We are, she argues, biologically wired to act when we feel our, or our children’s, future survival (i.e. career or financial success) being threatened. And we feel this especially now because future generations cannot necessarily expect incomes and lifestyles better than those of their parents. For these high-achieving and relatively high-income families, it’s a long way down. On average, millennials earn less, have less in the bank, and own less property than their parents. Wallace notes a fear that, if they don’t get on the ‘express elevator’ at the bottom, there’s less chance of joining it later on. Hence how these toxic pressures are being felt younger and younger, lower and lower down the school system, with one funny (but not funny) example being given by Wallace of a nursery for eighteen-month olds having cribs surrounded by high-profile university crests.
Indeed, Wallace argues there are many people who are complicit — wittingly or unwittingly — in all of this. Some school leaders don’t want to be the ones to take their institutions down the league tables (themselves a highly questionable way of assessing anything in education). Some sports coaches only see sporting success in one way: constant victory whatever the cost. Some universities make a great deal of how difficult it is to get into them: scarcity of places then breeds ever more intense competition to secure one of those places. Even well-meaning educators have been unwittingly complicit, argues Wallace. Some of you might be familiar with Carol Dweck’s ‘growth mindset’: that it is best for our students (and us) to treat learning as an ever-growing process, rather than focusing on fixed abilities and already fulfilled potential. The problem with this, says Wallace, is that many high-achieving young people put in hours and hours of work to produce a really accomplished piece of work, just for their teacher to cheerfully say what is ‘not yet’ 100% right about it. If we are serious about taking perfectionism out of our system, maybe we need to be a bit more sensitive to what that ‘not yet’ looks and sounds like, because to some young people it can feel like ‘I’m talented and I work hard, but I’m still not good enough’. Even more toxic and dangerous, Wallace argues, is the way in which some over-ambitious parents criticise their children (children who are already achieving rather a lot): when done insensitively, it can feel like ‘rejection, a loss of love’, at a time when children desperately need their parents to show them that they matter and that they are more than their grade card.
So I don’t take up any more of your Friday evening, next week I’ll talk about Wallace’s proposed solution out of this potentially toxic situation. Sorry to leave you on a downer, but I promise there are some good ideas!
Have a great weekend,
Matt Jenkinson
Congratulations to the following boys who have received awards for demonstrating the ‘spirit of Judo’: respect, discipline and enthusiasm: Avi in Year 3 (Gold); Xand in Year 4 (Silver); and Arthur in Year 3 (Bronze).
As we continue through the pre-test and scholarship season, I would like to extend our best wishes to all those boys (and their families) who are involved. There is a lot of steady preparation being done, I know, to ensure that the boys feel comfortable and can give their cheerful best. We can’t ask any more from them than that. Further information about our pre-test preparation can be found at https://www.newcollegeschool.org/page/?title=Future+Schools&pid=104.
Services in New College for Hilary 2025 begin with evensong at 18.15 this evening, and we wish the choristers well for their endeavours this term. As ever, NCS families are always very warmly welcome to New College chapel. The full schedule of services is available at https://www.new.ox.ac.uk/chapel.
We are very much looking forward to the NCSPA Quiz Night on Friday 31 January at 19.00 (questions start promptly at 19.30). The evening includes question rounds set by the SLT and a curry meal with vegetarian options; there is also a cost-price bar. Entry is by sign-up only, via https://square.link/u/fhJJJ2Ry. The Quiz Night always proves to be one of the best nights of the year in the school calendar. Last year’s winners (who also won the year before) have now retired, so we are looking forward to seeing who our new champions will be. In previous quizzes, teams (of up to 10) have grouped themselves by year group, but this is not a hard-and-fast rule. There is also, traditionally, a Year 8 pupil team, for whom the cost is significantly reduced: https://square.link/u/5la7lyfJ.
Sport round-up: The U9 teams kicked things off on Tuesday afternoon with three fantastic games against MCS. There was a mixed bag of results, but the performances across the squad were superb. The C team, under the guidance of Natalie Bath, our new Assistant Director of Music and U9 sports coach, secured an impressive 7-1 win in her coaching debut! Both the A and B teams narrowly missed out on wins, but they showcased excellent skill, determined running, and left the pitch full of positivity for the rest of the term. On Wednesday, the U11 teams also faced MCS. In the A and B team games, the NCS boys were outstanding, dismantling the MCS defences with quick passing and attacking play. The A team secured a 3-0 win, while the B team triumphed 4-2, rounding off a fantastic afternoon for the U11s. The C and D teams, playing against MCS’s U10 A and B teams, were competitive throughout, working hard despite narrow losses. Their performances left the boys confident for the season ahead.
Also this week, the U13 A and B teams hosted Cothill and Abingdon in a triangular match that tested their fitness. Despite playing with depleted teams, the boys showed great determination. The B team earned a 2-0 win over Cothill, and the A team began with a bang, winning 10-0. Their passing and teamwork were exceptional, creating space and attacking opportunities. However, after such intense play, fatigue set in during the second round against Abingdon. The A team lost 4-2 and the B team 2-1, but we were incredibly proud of their efforts and this strong start to the season. Finally, the U13 1st team will be in action on Friday evening in the Oxfordshire County Cup. We wish them the best of luck and look forward to celebrating their results next time!
Monday, 20 January 2025
19.00 NCSPA Meeting (CLC)
Tuesday, 21 January 2025
14.00 U8 & U9 Hockey House Matches, Iffley Road
Wednesday, 22 January 2025
8.15 School council meeting, CLC
9.00 Chapel. Speaker: Chazan Rebecca Blumenfeld
14.00 U11 Cross Country Relays, University Park
14.00 U13 A-D Hockey vs Summer Fields, St Edward's
17.15 Music Scholars' Concert (Recital hall, Gradel Quad)
Friday, 24 January 2025
13.00 U11 A County Cup Hckey, North Oxford (ends 16.00)
Monday, 27 January 2025
Thomas Franks food workshop with Year 5 (9.00-10.00) and Year 4 (10.30-11.30)
15.00 U12 A County Cup Hockey, Tilsley Park
Tuesday, 28 January 2025
14.00 U8 & 9 Hockey House Matches, Iffley Road
Wednesday, 29 January 2025
8.15 Eco-Committee Meeting CLC
9.00 Chapel. Speaker: Mr Richard Poyser, Director of Music, D'Overbroeck's
14.00 U13 A-D Hockey vs Hatherop, St Edward's
14.15 U11 A-D vs Cranford House, Away
18.00 Year 4 parents' evening
Friday, 31 January 2025
19.00 NCSPA Quiz and Curry Night -- sign-up only (Sports Hall; rounds begin at 19.30)