Issue 152 – October 2025
What did my bank really mean? A before & after
One of the guidelines for plain language is to focus on what your readers need or want to know and why it’s important to them. How did my bank do?
My bank tried to call me three times while I was on vacation in Portugal (highly recommended!) earlier this month. Something about reviewing the profile of my business account.
They had already emailed me a few times to ask me to update my profile – IF anything had changed with my account or my business. Nothing had changed, so I ignored the emails. While the repeated phone calls were slightly alarming, I wasn’t about to call and discuss finances over the phone from Portugal.
Once home, I couldn’t reach anyone at the bank’s toll-free number. So I trotted off to my local branch. The bank rep took one look at my bank card and said, “I know what’s wrong. Your card has expired.”
Well, this was certainly news. There was no expiration date on the card. And the earlier emails had said something completely different:
It turns out the bank is using some new system that required reissuing the cards. The account numbers and passwords stay the same, but the physical card and the number used for online banking were new.
That’s not what the email told me, was it? As far as I knew, there was no missing or unverified information; nothing had changed on my end. Obviously something had changed on their end.
One of the guidelines for plain language is to focus on what your readers need or want to know and why it’s important to them. The desired result is for the readers to quickly and easily:
- Find what they need
- Understand what they find
- Act appropriately on that understanding.
So my rewrite focused on the real reason the bank wanted me to call, specifically pulling out "this will affect you." I also moved the mention of “phone number” (it’s not “convenient to you”) and took out the corporate throat-clearing of “On a regular basis…” and “We appreciate your cooperation in this important matter.” Here’s my rewrite:
What do you think; would that email be more likely to prompt the response the bank wants?
Have you seen a “before” piece of writing that needs an “after”? Please share! I’m always looking for good (and you know I mean bad) examples.
Related reading (and listening):
Editors Canada explains plain language
Even lawyers prefer plain language (really!)
In the Red Jacket Diaries:
Links about plain language and jargon, and a few that made me laugh
Things people are saying about AI, in links you might have missed
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