written by EJ for a special prayer letter
I balanced precariously on the wooden boat roof, perched to jump off into the Indian Ocean. We had just spotted dolphins and then done some snorkeling. Now it was time for jumping off the boat roof. (Really? People do this for fun? I will try! This trip to the coast was all about new experiences and being bold.)
The waves rocked the boat as I desperately tried to keep my balance with the wind blowing across my face. My friend had climbed up the bright yellow ladder behind me, and then proceeded to confidently jump off. She squealed with delight as she plunged into the water below me. She turned her head in the water, expecting me to follow her. Other ladies were bobbing in the water, having just gone. And there I stood. Frozen in fear and uncertainty. The bright yellow railing around the edge of the roof seemed to grow taller with each passing moment. Others came up the ladder, encouraging me to place my foot on the railing and just push off. I stared at them in disbelief. How could I possibly balance on one foot to move the other onto the railing? Not gonna happen. How could I not trip over the railing? I had all kinds of accidents in my mind, making it almost impossible to actually jump.
So I remained there, balancing and stumbling as the boat rocked back and forth. My thoughts brought me back to high school swim lessons on the lake–the high dive on the floating dock on a windy day. My 16-year-old self froze in fear that day–unable to walk out to the end of the diving board for fear the wind would topple me. I climbed down the high dive ladder in humiliation and shame that day. The thoughts raced through my mind–the longer I waited the harder it was to move. I could not repeat that experience. This was my chance to beat that fear and be bold! I was determined to jump, but I didn’t know how to do it. I knew I could do it, but anxiety was messing with me in a strong way.
The ladies in the water chanted my name, “EJ, EJ, EJ” in encouragement and support. I still could not move. Victor, one of the boat crew, jumped in and also yelled his encouragement. I didn’t want to disappoint them–I knew this crowd was much different than the teenager crowd from my past. One of them climbed up the ladder next to me, sitting in the sun as the boat rocked.
“Do you need someone to hold your hand?” she asked.
I gulped, muttering: “I don’t know what I need."
I peered over the railing again, anxiety clutching at my mind. I felt so childish, even though I was the oldest of the group of eight women that day.
Another friend whom I had just met the day before climbed up the ladder. I was feeling foolish by now, but unable to do anything about it. She seemed to sense my dilemma and came alongside me.
Softly, she said, “Let’s just hold hands and jump together.”
She positioned herself close enough so that I just had to turn my hand over. Offering, but not insisting.
Determined not to repeat my high school failure, I clutched her hand tightly, boldness rising to take the place of indecision and fear. She counted quickly, “1, 2, 3” and we jumped over the railing into the sea below!
Mid-air I let go of her hand. Exhilaration and joy flooded my mind as the warm ocean water received me. Plunging into the water, I almost cried with relief! I did it! When I surfaced, the ladies were cheering, the crew was clapping, and I was fist-pumping in victory! They were all witnesses of this significant milestone in my life.
The fear was gone. I did it.
I just needed someone to hold my hand. Someone to come alongside. The examples of how to do it were good, the encouragement was motivating, the advice and questions were helpful. But it wasn’t until Christy came alongside and positioned herself in a way I could receive it that I could actually take the leap of faith.
Isn’t that just like God? He sends His Holy Spirit to be the example, the encouragement, the advice. He is the One who positions Himself alongside us, making it easy to take His hand. He says, “Take my hand, I’ll jump with you.”
The next afternoon I was in my hotel room, enjoying some quiet time. I was deciding whether to listen to a Scripture passage on my phone app or go back to the ocean. I felt a gentle prompting to just take a few minutes to listen to the passage of the day: Psalm 18:16-19, The Passion Translation
He rescued me from the mighty waters and drew me to himself! Even though I was helpless in the hands of my hateful, strong enemy, you were good to deliver me. When I was at my weakest, my enemies attacked—but the Lord held on to me. His love broke open the way, and he brought me into a beautiful, broad place. He rescued me—because his delight is in me!
As I listened, I laughed aloud in joy! This passage described my boat-jumping experience so well! God’s love washed over me. No matter what comes my way in the future, I know I will be ready to jump because He is with me–holding my hand and calming my fear. He delights in me, weakness and all.
Just hold my hand. And jump!
About the Author
EJ and her husband Phil have been missionaries with AIM AIR, the aviation branch of Africa Inland Mission for almost 10 years. They live in Kenya. Phil is a maintenance specialist and currently serves as the Quality Manager for AIM AIR. EJ is the TCK Support (third culture kids) for the missionary families on their team, and also homeschools their youngest son. She writes a monthly Bible reading plan (see the "Extras by EJ" tab on their website: www.blohmflyingnews.com), prays diligently for the AIM AIR team, and loves to encourage women on their faith journeys.