Our Manor 25-29 September 2023

Welcome to this week's newsletter

Dear families,

The school themes for this week have been about keeping safe, getting support and enjoying yourself whilst joining in. Assemblies have been led by Mrs Radd, highlighting ways for students to keep themselves and their friends safe. In addition, the students have been shown who is available to help when they have worries or concerns. We have significantly expanded our safeguarding team this year in response to the emerging needs of our students and community.

This week has also been the first of the fixtures with our teams excelling themselves. We are all so proud of their efforts, teamwork and resilience on the field of play. They are a credit to the school and have embraced the true Manor values, being fantastic role models for our school family. Please encourage your child to get involved as much as possible in all extra-curricular opportunities within and beyond sport. If there is not a club they want to join but want to start, please ask them to see Miss Hustwait.

Medical issues

Two weeks ago we gave you this information:

"If you know your child has a medical condition that we should be aware of but you have not told us about, or your child needs to take regular medication in the school day but you have not set this up with us, or you do not receive a letter by 29 September but you think you have told us about a condition, please contact Miss Nattrass via dnattrass@manor.school"

This is a reminder to get in touch but please wait until after Thursday 6 October as some parents/carers have not yet had their letter. Thank you for your patience.

A clarification about girls trousers

Thank you to the parent that contacted me this week with a very polite and measured query about girls trousers. This parent highlighted her support for the standards we are working towards in school but pointed out that many female students were wearing a style of stretched jersey trouser (from Next) that was not tailored and asked whether this was acceptable. Having reviewed her query we have concluded that the trousers are clearly a trouser, with a button, zip, belt loops and pockets, i.e. they look like a trouser, but are not tailored. In the spirit of working collaboratively with parents/carers, we want to clarify that we will not expect these to be changed for tailored trousers until they get to the end of their useful life. In September 2024 these will not be acceptable and we will make uniform expectations explicitly clear from May 2024. We will however absolutely draw the line this year that all trousers MUST look like trousers with the same features as stated above. This means absolutely no leggings. Please do not send your children to school in leggings - they are not appropriate or meet our school uniform requirements.

Thank you for your support.

Clarification on gel nails

These are unsafe in science labs and DT classrooms. They also often prevent students holding a pen properly and therefore are detrimental to the students' learning. They have no place in school. We are focusing on removing these and leggings this week.

If your child still has gel nails, please arrange an appointment to have them removed at the earliest possible time, preferably this weekend (this is now the 4th week of school and they should have been removed by now). If it is not possible to remove them this weekend then please email your child’s tutor and attach a copy/photo of their appointment date as confirmation that this is being addressed.

In addition, please make sure if you have booked for your child to have them put on over the half term break, that you also book the appointment to have them taken off again by the first day back on Wednesday 1 November.

Clarification on natural hair colour and piercings

Please make sure if you have booked for your child to have an unnatural hair colour added over the half term break, that you also book the appointment to have it removed by the first day back on Wednesday 1 November.

Also if your child is getting a piercing, please make sure it is a small stud and not a ring/hoop as these are not allowed in school. Please prevent any potential conflict for your child by making sure it is a stud in the first place.

Please help your child with their resilience – a practical guide

We would like to introduce you to the ‘Drama Triangle’ and how it can often play out in school.

Imagine a situation at home with a child and two parents/adults (I think many of you will recognise this). The child wants something. The first parent says no, so the child goes to the second parent and asks them (without mentioning the refusal by the first parent). The second parent - unaware of the first parent's response - says yes. This creates a dynamic in which the child acts as the victim, the first parent is put in the position of the Persecutor and the second parents becomes the Rescuer. The difficulty in this dynamic is in the longer term it can make the child into a Victim, more often leading to issues with confidence and self-esteem. It can also lead to friction between the Persecutor and Rescuer which can become toxic.

Knowing about how easy it is to fall into these roles and how to spot them so this doesn’t happen is a valuable tool for all relationships. Learn more about the Drama Triangle here:

In school this situation manifests itself in some common scenarios. Please read these with your child and note our practical advice for how to help your child not to become a Victim by not seeking out a Rescuer.

Scenario 1:

A student is spoken to about their conduct or uniform. The student walks away from the member of staff and immediately gets out their phone to call home. The parent answers the phone, probably thinking there is an emergency. The child then acts the role of the Victim and makes the member of staff into the Persecutor. This inflames the parent as they only get the ‘Victim’ version which is always skewed to them getting what they want, i.e. to be rescued. The parent then comes directly to school to confront the member of staff or to take the child out of school. When they arrive and hear the whole story, parents often understand that the child is not the Victim as they first thought. Some parents even find they are embarrassed as they believed that their child was actually in some harm and this turns out not to be true.

What we would like you to do instead to help your child if you find yourself in this situation:

• Listen to the child
• Rationalise with them
• Help them to calm down and go back to the member of staff and follow the instructions they were given
• Trust us to do the right thing and then we will share what happens with you as we together are the adults in the situation

Scenario 2:

A student feels ill and calls the parent from a toilet, asking to go home. The parent is then put in the position of the Rescuer and the child as the Victim. The parent phones school presenting as angry that the school have not contacted them or demanding that their child be sent home. Because the child has put themselves in the role of Victim and created a role for the parent to become the Rescuer, this then unfairly places the school staff in the role of the Persecutor. The staff may either not been aware of the student feeling ill or they may have made a judgement as ‘loco in parentis’ that the child just needs some time/water/quiet and then will be well enough to go back to class.

What we would like you to do instead to help your child if you find yourself in this situation:

• Make sure your child knows to go to Student Services if they feel unwell. Student Services will call parents if the child is so unwell that they need to come home.
• Explain to your child that we act ‘in loco parentis’ meaning we make the responsible judgement as their parent in school and they need to accept this like they would from a parent
• If they call you, listen, don’t promise a solution. Tell them to go to Student Services and talk to an adult in school. Text them to ask how they are doing but do not Rescue them. Trust that we will make a professional and caring decision in their best interest.

Scenario 3:

The child comes into school and is asked about uniform/equipment/arrival time etc. which do not meet the school rules or expectations. They respond with "my mum says..." This instantly makes the school the Persecutor when what we are doing is having high standards for your child because we care about them.

Often what is really said by mum is in relation to what the child said about this issue before they left the house. The child wanted a way out of doing the correct thing and wanted to be able to justify it to school. Therefore, the child puts themselves in the role as Victim by encouraging the parent to play the Rescuer ahead of time. This will always put your child in a position of conflict with the school which is not necessary and can be avoided.

What we would like you to do instead to help your child if you find yourself in this situation:

• If you want us to make reasonable adjustments for your child - i.e. they need a new piece of uniform and this cannot be purchased in time - then contact their Form Tutor to explain, adult to adult. We will then give your child a ‘pass’ which they can show to prevent any challenges made by other staff that day.
• Don’t promise that you can allow them to work outside the school processes and policies, unless there is a medical or learning need. By enrolling your child at Manor School you are signing up to those policies and practices and we expect you to support them for the benefit of your child and the wider community.
• Keep us informed, accept our help and support, and trust that we will do the right thing for your child.

Have a great weekend.

Dr Louise Newman, Principal