DECEMBER 2023: TAKE CARE
Contents
1.
How to say ‘no’ like Sophia Loren
Dr. Nancy Ellen Miller points out that it takes work to say “no” to a pedal-to-the-metal philosophy without second-guessing yourself.
2.
3x3: Taking care of business, taking care of self
Three PIC members – Meline Beach, Valerie Chelangat and Phil Sach – answer three questions from Brent Artemchuk, giving a sense of how they balance clients, workloads and personal obligations.
3.
Buzzy Bits featuring Yasmine El Shafei, SCMP
PIC member Yasmine El Shafei, SCMP, reveals what she’d do if she wasn’t in communications, her favourite comms-related book and more in a video chat with Arlene Amitirigala.
4.
Welcome new and returning PIC members!
Welcome Matisse Hamel-Nelis (new member) and Yvonne Catty, ABC (returning member).
How to say ‘no’ like Sophia Loren
By Dr. Nancy Ellen Miller
I once hustled for a hustler. He wasn’t just any hustler. He'd hustled his way into the limelight, the jackpot, the jet-set.
A New York Times bestselling author, he’d appeared on CNN. Starred in a famous docudrama. Sold a secret sauce.
“Want to manifest a million bucks?” he asked. “Come this way…I’ll hit you up!”
Granted, he hadn’t written that bestseller. He’d hired ghostwriters. He was asking me to be the new brains behind his brand.
I was giddy. Brought up believing I’d never make any money as a writer, I felt like I was living in a George Gershwin tune. “Nice Work If You Can Get It!”
It was nice work all right. Nice right up to the point it dawned on me that I’d been hustling for my hustler for less than minimum wage.
The art of the ‘no’
Saying “no” is an art. As with any art, you have to practice.
If you’ve been hustlin’ for the long haul, you may have fallen so deeply into your hustle that when your wheels spin you into a snowbank, you’ll be tempted to press harder on the gas.
Stop accelerating. Notice that you’re going nowhere fast. Admit that your pedal-to-the-metal philosophy sucks.
“Oh, no,” you may say, “I’m stuck.”
Celebrate your first "no." You may have begun with "oh," but you still said "no."
Your second “no” may feel a bit like Edvard Munch’s The Scream.
“NOOOOOOOoooooooooo!” you say.
It’s not only your tires spinning, it’s the whole sky. The bridge beneath your feet. Those passersby. It’s all a hot holy mess.
Prepared to feel discombobulated. Adrift. But have faith. That was only your second attempt to say “no.”
On your third attempt, you may work up the courage to say “no” directly to another person. Or you might say “no” to an extra serving of potatoes at your Aunt Margaret’s house.
You may walk away and think: “Did I just do that? Did I just say ‘no’?”
Take it from Sophia Loren
Saying “no” without second-guessing yourself takes work. It may have come easily at the age of two, but it took Sophia Loren 50 years to get her “no” back.
Not learning how to say “no” is a “terrible failure for a person,” she remembers a friend telling her.
“Because if you don’t know how to say no, you spend your time doing things that you don’t want to do. You can’t organize your day. And you can’t do in your day what you wish. Because you are always at the disposal of other people.”
We live in a culture that leads us to believe that the only way to the top is to hustle and bustle ’til we burst.
If you’ve been up at night afraid to say “no,” take heart. Even Sophia Loren had to work at it.
Remember, you’re a goddess. An emperor. A screen icon. Play the part.
What hustle will you say “no” to today?
3x3: Taking care of business, taking care of self
By Brent Artemchuk
The holidays are always busy, with a crush of activities all within a compressed timeframe. Everyone feels the stress at some point. Entrepreneurs may be disproportionately affected because in many cases, they’re juggling both business and family commitments.
We checked in with PIC members Meline Beach, Valerie Chelangat and Phil Sach to get a sense of how they balance clients, workloads and personal obligations. Their perspectives are a holiday version of The Power of Positive Thinking. A big thank you to these entrepreneurs for sharing their candid and personal views.
1. How do you balance work with the demands of the holidays?
Meline: Ah – a million dollar question! I’m not sure I’m a pro at balancing work with the demands of any holidays. I do try to manage deadlines and deliverables around peak times, which might mean squeezing in a few hours of work early morning or late at night when it’s sometimes the quietest. It’s important to know your personal style and when you tend to have the most energy. I also try to work around family commitments and any outings we’ve planned. I also give credit to my husband, who’s my partner in all things on a personal front, so having his support with holiday planning, prep and execution is a huge help in enabling me to get my work done.
Valerie: Overall, I protect my personal time so I can do fun things with loved ones because it relaxes me and feeds my creativity. I try to be disciplined about my work and play hours. I assign a specific number of hours daily for work and make sure to stick to them. Once I’m done, I put away my laptop and don’t dwell on the work. That way I’m fully present in everything I do. I also keep a planner and add events to it, including those of family members and close friends, so I can block off social time and avoid scheduling conflicts.
Part of my balancing act is avoiding distractions like my cellphone. If I pick it up to check one thing, I’ll end up doing three to five more things – most likely winding up on social media. When I’m working from home, I separate myself from my phone. I leave it in my bedroom while I work in the den or at the kitchen counter. At the office, I put it on silent mode and leave it in my bag inside a drawer and don’t reach for it until I step out for lunch or at the end of the day.
My advice for other independent communicators is to figure out your distractions and plan to avoid them. If it’s the phone, too, put it away until your task is complete. Seriously, nothing tragic that only you could solve will happen while you’re away from the phone. Start small. For example, check your phone every half hour and as you get comfortable, increase the time.
If your distractions are co-workers or family members, consider shutting your door to complete a task. In the book Atomic Habits, James Clear recommends attaching rewards to the habits you want to learn. So for every hour (or whatever duration you assign yourself to work), promise yourself a reward. Maybe you’ll comment on that funny post on Instagram or after working a few hours, go for coffee with a co-worker.
Phil: I specialize in non-profits, so this season is one of my busiest times. That means I have to be extra diligent in maintaining my work-life balance, especially if I hope to enjoy time with family and loved ones.
Even though I can work whenever I want, I’ve always found it helpful – whether it’s the holidays or not – to set specific working hours each day. This allows me to align my schedule with clients and prevent work from bleeding into other parts of the day or weekends. By defining when I’m working, and even more importantly, when I’m not, I can manage clear expectations while reserving personal time. The result is that I’m physically and mentally present for those who matter most.
It’s also important to be realistic about capacity; the more I take on before the break, the more stressed I feel. When discussing new projects with clients, I work with them to create timelines that respect my holiday plans yet still deliver on their business needs – even if that means looking into 2024. Sticking to my boundaries is important; the right clients will understand, appreciate and follow my lead.
One last word on this from the perspective of another type of holiday! As someone who's passionate about travelling, I find working on the road is easily one of the most special parts of my life as an independent. I’ve developed proposals from Switzerland, annual appeal emails from France and whole campaigns from Italy. At the same time, trying to run a business while on the go can present many unique challenges, despite what it may sometimes look like on social media.
It all comes down to integrating the work into the adventure instead of seeing it as something that takes away from it. You can work while commuting, spending time on a villa balcony or enjoying a local café. Prep your clients before you travel by letting them know your plans and laying out clear instructions on how you will communicate. Ultimately, the best advice I can give is do not – I repeat, do NOT – let work impact or ruin a trip.
Remember, as self-employed communicators, we set our own rules. So, the responsibility is on us to make sure we set time aside for a scheduled break.
2. As one year winds down, how do you get your business ready for the new year?
Meline: Like many people, I make lists and set intentions. I’ll be wrapping up a one-year contract in the new year, but have already initiated some outreach efforts for replacement business – whether that’s more freelance writing or other contract work. Not one to sit idle, I’ll accept any gap between freelance assignments as an opportunity for learning, development, networking and connecting with friends and former colleagues. Business-readiness for the new year also involves some reflection and adjustment; focusing on what went well, what tasks I liked least, and what I wish to hone in on going forward. The new year also serves as a time to get reorganized with paper and digital files: create new folders and strategize on where and what to work on next.
Valerie: I like to do a review of the year to identify things that worked and where I need improvement or a different approach. I also pick up a planner for the new year pretty early so I can start plugging in events and routine things that don’t change much.
Phil: 2023 was my first year of full-time freelancing, so this is all new to me. To start, I’ve committed myself to going above and beyond in preparing my business for another year and laying the runway for my ongoing success because, at the end of the day, it’s my name attached to the masthead.
As my clients prepare for their holidays, I’m dedicating time to not only finishing up high-priority projects, but also discussing needs for 2024. At the same time, I’m reconciling my year administratively, sending out remaining invoices and following up on outstanding items. I’m also engaging an accountant to help me wrap my head around the complexities of small business taxes, because we can all use the help of an expert now and then!
Since the holidays are busy for everyone, I also want to do what I can to remain front-of-mind with the people I’m working with today – and those I hope to work with tomorrow. I took some time to develop and send branded holiday cards to clients, prospects and close contacts. It’s a small touch and the cost is relatively minimal. These go a long way in nurturing the professional relationships I’ve worked to develop as well as open doors to future work.
Finally, the holidays are an excellent time to look forward professionally as I curl up on the couch with a hot coffee, a cozy blanket and one (or two) cats. It could be as simple as updating my website, or as complex as creating a new business plan, but there’s something different about working on these projects while I’m more relaxed. It allows me to be more creative, more productive and more open to testing out new ideas.
3. How do you get yourself ready for the new year?
Meline: The new year is what you make it. It doesn’t always have to be about starting fresh; it can be about maintenance with incremental steps for improvement. While many people associate the new year with resolutions and new beginnings, I think it’s equally important to focus on sustaining positive habits, maintaining a healthy lifestyle and building on the progress made in the previous year. I joined a gym in late 2023 and hope to reincorporate fitness as part of my daily lifestyle throughout 2024 (as per pre-pandemic times). I’ll strive to set realistic expectations, drive positive change and continue to contribute to my profession and community through volunteerism.
I’ll also incorporate other techniques. I try to visualize the ideal outcome and work towards that. I make lists, check them twice and happily scratch things off as they’re completed. I try not to want to be more or do more during the holidays (like excessive holiday baking, over-the-top entertaining or picture-perfect meal planning) and be content with simple pleasures like homemade pizza, board games or movies. It’s easy to get caught up in the hype of someone else’s expectations of the holidays. Stay true to yourself and your values.
Valerie: I try to learn a new skill yearly. So I take some time to think of any gaps I’ve noticed in the year and keep a list of courses/skills I’d like to gain, then add them to my planner as new year goals. Most importantly, I try to keep things simple at the end of the year to unwind and really be present with my loved ones. The pandemic taught me there’s a better way of living and that’s placing less emphasis on being busy. Now I don’t get carried away with endless to-do lists. I think about what actually needs to be done and get those done.
Phil: It’s tricky to shut off my brain when it comes to my business, even during the holidays. There’s always something I can work on. That reality makes it more important that I find time for myself during the coming weeks. My clients are going to be well-rested from their own holidays and ready to tackle their next projects, so I should be, too!
So, I do my best to find time for hobbies and the things that relax me – playing video games, watching Christmas movies, enjoying family board game nights, hosting potlucks with friends, and even going on hikes in the snow. I’ll work on my novel and pour my creativity into something that, while having nothing to do with my business, is such an important endeavour for me personally. My husband and I will also use this time to start planning our vacations for the coming year. I cannot stress enough how beneficial this can be for your mental health if you have the privilege of making it happen!
Throughout my career, I’ve experienced burnout and anxiety, so it’s vital to protect my well-being and understand what works for me. This includes everything from the type of music I listen to when stressed or in need of creative inspiration, to the kind of working environment I set up to generate the most productive work, to knowing when it’s finally time to slow down.
Buzzy Bits featuring Yasmine El Shafei, SCMP
With Arlene Amitirigala
In this edition of Buzzy Bits, Yasmine El Shafei, SCMP, Co-Managing Partner at Multiplier Consultancy, jumps in the hot seat with some interesting answers to 10 questions while the clock counts down!
Welcome new and returning members
Yvonne Catty, ABC (she/her)
Toronto | Website | LinkedIn | yvonne@vitamin-3.com
Welcome back to Yvonne Catty, ABC, of Vitamin-3 Communications, Inc. (V3). Her boutique consulting firm specializes in reputation leadership, government and regulatory engagement, controversial issues management and C-suite spokesperson and media skills training. Creative problem-solving and data-driven planning by a credentialed practitioner for public and private companies operating in complex and highly regulated or challenging environments.
Matisse Hamel-Nelis (she/her)
Oshawa | Website | LinkedIn | Facebook | matisse@matissenelis.com
Welcome new member Matisse Hamel-Nelis of Matisse Nelis Consulting! She’s a Durham College public relations professor and PR consultant who blends academic insight with practical experience. She volunteers with IABC, hosts PR & Lattes, and is dedicated to digital accessibility. Her journey, influenced by roles at CNIB Foundation and AbleDocs, includes training in Accessible Media Production and Diversity and Inclusion. Known for her accessible communications expertise, Matisse’s approach merges digital PR knowledge, social media skills and trend awareness, positioning her as a leader in innovative and ethical PR strategies.
Becoming a unicorn: How to make yourself a category of one
Join us on January 30 to hear from brilliant brand strategist Greg Monaco how to make yourself a category of one. In addition to his corporate and personal branding practice, Greg is a coach and supporter of independent and small, growing businesses. His online community, Fearless Brands, helps independents and small entrepreneurs get paid to do what they love.
PIC member Arlene Amitirigala, owner of TrulyArlene Communications, will tell us how Greg’s probing questions uncovered what was in her heart and helped map out a clear path to build her brand.
It all takes place on Zoom on Tuesday, January 30 at 4:30 p.m. ET, when Greg and Arlene will show you how to:
- Discover what makes you a one-of-a-kind.
- Get known and recognized as a specialist rather than a generalist.
- Learn how “niching-down” will help you relate to your prospects.
- Understand how to create more relevant storytelling.
- Gain clarity on why people buy.
Fees are $15 for members ($16.95 with HST); $35 for non-members ($39.55 with HST).
See you on social media!
Build and strengthen your connections, advance your business and network with other PIC members on social media. In case you missed them, recent posts shared on our social media channels include these:
“Hustle culture is working excessively without regard for one’s self-care needs and relationships in order to reach professional success.” Talkspace therapist Dr. Olga Molina says set boundaries, take breaks and in other ways break free from its toxic effect on mental health.
“The hustle-culture narrative promotes the idea that there's always more to strive for: more money to make, a bigger title or promotion to secure and a higher ceiling to smash.” The BBC asks if this the end of rise-and-grind.
In The Pros And Cons Of Hustle Culture, Forbes says set realistic goals, practice self-care and find other “healthy ways” to work hard without burning out.
From your PIC executive, happy holidays, merry Christmas and best wishes for a healthy new year!
Who we are
Professional Independent Communicators (PIC) is a special interest group of IABC/Toronto. PIC’s mission is to support independent IABC/Toronto communicators through professional development, networking and marketing. The Buzz informs members about upcoming events, shares professional development tips from past meetings and keeps us connected.
IABC connects communicators from around the world with the insights, resources and people they need to drive their careers and their professions forward.
Editors: Arlene Amitirigala, Sue Horner
Executive team
Chair: Marie-Lauren Gregoire Drummond, SCMP | Past Chair: Jacqui DeBique | Membership: vacant | Marketing & Sponsorship: Brent Artemchuk | Communications & Social Media: Arlene Amitirigala, Sue Horner | Programming: Catharine Heddle, Lisa Marchitto