Cover art by Penelope Trott
You didn't search for it
By Elizabeth Hopkins
Scrolling across social media platforms, you have likely encountered a sexually explicit video that made you pause. Not because it alarmed you, but from the silent realization that you weren’t alarmed at all. Social media platforms have become experts at quietly feeding sexualized content into your feed, disguising these videos as relatable and directly curated to be personalized just for you. Every day, teenagers spend an average of seven to eight hours on a screen, excluding schoolwork (American Academy of Pediatrics). During this time, 95 percent of teenagers ages 13-17 use social media daily, and more than a third say they use social media “almost constantly” (National Library of Medicine). These extremely high numbers reflect the amount of time teenagers are stuck in the detrimental loop of the algorithm. Every scroll, like, comment and time you spend down to the millisecond on one video is data for social media platforms. These platforms are built upon one goal: to keep you watching. The more time individuals spend on a social media platform, the more time the app and the algorithm behind it get to know them. Daily content people enjoy is curated and fed directly to them by the algorithm without any searching involved. What starts as “harmless” workout videos or dance trends slowly begin to feed viewers provocative and sexual content hidden behind simple and playful videos. According to UNICEF Australia, “70 percent of children encounter harmful or inappropriate content online, with roughly 90 percent of children aged 8-16 having seen online pornography.” Sexualized content is quietly fed to people’s screens daily, increasing the number of videos pushed directly to viewers each time. Since the shift in inappropriate video exposure is so gradual, there is no pinpoint moment where people’s feeds start to change. A sexually disturbing video that used to make you pause or immediately scroll, begins to make you feel numb and not as unsettled. This isn’t because the content is less shocking, but because viewers become normalized to these types of videos. For many teenagers navigating their complicated high school years, the slow shift in everyday content exposed to young viewers shows effects that ripple into everyday life. These curated videos appear effortless, but in reality, they are extremely unrealistic and unachievable. The daily routines, lifestyles, relationships and bodies portrayed online are all products of a manufactured process using filters and edits, but are made to be “the standard.” Teenagers still learning who they are as people may resort to these videos and attempt to replicate the content into their life. According to a Dove Survey, “Over 1,000 girls aged 10–17 found that 1 in 2 girls say toxic beauty advice on social media causes low self-esteem, and 9 in 10 girls say they follow at least one social media account that makes them feel less beautiful.” The unrealistic videos young girls see online portray fake standards that can affect how young teenagers view themselves. According to the National Center for Health Research, there is a strong connection with the act of comparison online and negative feelings. “92% have experienced negative consequences, 50% report low self-esteem, and 48% experience low mood due to such comparisons.” However, these consequences reach beyond the effects of the individual and directly into the relationships teenagers value most. For young boys fed a consistent loop of sexualized content online, it slowly shifts the way they view girls in real life. According to the Society for Research on Adolescence, “Boys exposed to sexually objectifying media are more likely to focus on the body size and shape of girls they want to date, and are more anxious about their own appearance.” Over time, young boys can start to compare the unrealistic expectations they see online as a way to measure the girls they see in person in their everyday life to unachievable standards. When physical appearance and desire begin to shape people's social media feeds, seeing people for who they are as a whole gets lost. Connection becomes superficial and genuine lustful relationships are now built upon expectations you see through a screen.
Is it ever casual? Your sneaky link probably doesn’t love you
By Dorothy Florence
It usually starts as a joke. “Sneaky link” gets thrown into conversations, captions or half-serious, half-not comments. But the behavior behind it has become just as normalized as the word itself—and that's where the shift of adolescents' perception of intimacy starts. On paper, it just means keeping something secret. No labels or public acknowledgement. It’s supposed to feel low-stakes, almost easier than a “real” relationship. And I get the appeal. Less pressure, fewer expectations and no one asking questions. A lot of these relationships run on transactional inconsistency. Plans come together, then fall through. Texts are constant one day and disappear the next. Attention shows up in bursts, and then it's gone in an instant. For most, that unpredictability would push people away, but for some, it enables the opposite and there's a reason for that. When something isn’t guaranteed, it tends to stick. People keep coming back time and time again, waiting for it to feel different next time. A message feels more meaningful when it’s been missing, carrying more weight than it should. So the pattern repeats. And slowly, the pattern starts to shape expectations. If most experiences with dating look hidden, inconsistent and undefined, then those qualities start to feel normal. Not necessarily ideal, but expected with illicit romantic affairs. Love becomes harder to picture as something stable or clearly expressed, and intimacy starts to feel like something that exists without being fully acknowledged or processed. The shift in expectations is gradual, which is part of why it's easy to miss. Consistency can start to feel unfamiliar, and clear communication can feel uncomfortable if not practiced from the beginning, which can form unhealthy relationship habits that can carry on for life. Even wanting something more defined can come across as asking for too much, which changes how people approach relationships before they even fully understand what they want from them. There’s also an emotional layer that doesn’t always get addressed directly. Even when something is described as casual, it doesn’t always feel that way for both people involved. One person may become more invested while the other stays more distant, and without clear communication, that imbalance tends to go unspoken. It lingers rather than resolves. Research on casual hookup culture reflects a similar pattern that becomes hard to ignore once it’s put into numbers. An American Psychological Association survey of 1,468 undergraduate students found that 82.6 percent reported negative mental and emotional consequences after hookups, including embarrassment, loss of self-respect and difficulty maintaining steady relationships. Other researchers have found that 78 percent of women and 72 percent of men who engaged in uncommitted sex experienced regret afterward, and are often linked to higher levels of anxiety and depression, adding to what is already a growing mental health strain among adolescents. The experience of sneaky links becomes familiar, even when it isn’t entirely positive, and familiarity can be enough to keep something going. Social media often reinforces that familiarity. Many people are introduced to relationship dynamics through trends and others’ experiences before they experience them first hand, and what gets repeated online starts to feel like a preconceived baseline. Sneaky link culture fits easily into that environment. It keeps relationships out of view while allowing people to stay connected, lowering expectations just enough that things can continue even when they’re uneven. Over time, that repetition has an effect. When secrecy, inconsistency and emotional distance appear consistently, they begin to shape how relationships are understood. The patterns feel familiar, and familiar patterns are difficult to step away from, even when they’re frustrating or unfulfilling. That familiarity carries into how people perceive love itself. It becomes less defined, less stable and harder to recognize when it appears in a different form. Eventually, it turns into the reference point people measure other relationships against. And once something becomes the reference point, it’s harder to question it.
Illustration by Paloma Nacamuli
The pressure to be desired
By Morgan Sicklick
My phone lights up, and I check it before I even think. Not because I care what the message says, but because someone chose to send it. Someone chose me. In high school, that feeling, being wanted, can matter more than the person on the other end of the screen. What we often call “crushes” or “talking stages” aren’t always about connection. More often, they’re about validation. The late-night texts, the Snapchat streaks, the casual compliments, they create a steady stream of attention that feels almost impossible to ignore. And over time, that attention becomes something more than just a bonus. It becomes something we start to rely on. There’s a reason for that. Attention triggers the brain’s reward system, releasing dopamine, the same chemical associated with pleasure and reinforcement. Each notification, each message, each sign that someone is thinking about you creates a small but powerful sense of satisfaction. It’s quick, easy and repeatable. And like anything that consistently delivers that kind of reward, it can become addictive. But unlike other forms of addiction, this one is harder to recognize. It doesn’t look harmful on the surface. It looks like flirting. It looks like confidence. It looks like normal teenage behavior. But underneath it, there’s often a shift happening, from wanting someone to wanting to be wanted. And that shift changes everything. When the focus becomes validation, the relationship itself starts to matter less. Conversations are less about getting to know someone and more about keeping their attention. Silence feels heavier, not because you miss the person, but because you miss the feeling of being noticed. Even the interested can become strategic, maintaining just enough to keep the attention going. In that way, the “talking stage” becomes less of a step toward something real and more of a cycle: attention, anticipation, temporary satisfaction and then the need for more. Social media only intensifies this. Platforms built around visibility—likes, views, comments— turn attention into something measurable. It’s no longer just about whether someone likes you; it’s about how much, how often and how publicly they show it. A text becomes a streak. A conversation becomes a Snap score. And suddenly, self-worth is tied not to who you are, but to how often you appear on someone else’s screen. That constant feedback loop makes it easy to confuse visibility with value. And when the attention stops, the impact is immediate. The conversation fades. The notifications slow down. And what’s left isn’t always heartbreak; it’s something quieter, but just as uncomfortable. It’s the absence of being wanted. The loss of that steady reassurance that, for a moment, made everything feel a little more secure. That’s when it becomes clear: it wasn’t just about the person. It was about what they provided. None of this is to say that attraction or relationships in high school aren’t real. They are. But when validation becomes a foundation, it’s easy to lose sight of what real connection actually requires: consistency, vulnerability and genuine interest in another person beyond the way they make you feel about yourself. Lust, in that sense, isn’t just physical. It’s psychological. It’s the craving for attention, for affirmation, for proof that you matter. And like any craving, it can grow stronger the more it’s fed. But unlike a notification, a real connection doesn’t come instantly. It isn’t constant, and it isn’t always easy. It asks for more than quick responses and surface-level interest. It asks for presence, for being known, not just seen. And that’s the difference. Because at this point, being wanted isn’t enough. You start to want something deeper; something that doesn’t disappear when the screen goes dark.
“You wouldn’t have a heroin addict try to be drug-free, [while] carrying heroin in their pocket. [Likewise], if you’re trying to stop watching porn but you have a smartphone [in your pocket], it’s very difficult,” Heiti DeLucchi, an associate professional clinical counselor (APCC) who works at Willow Tree Counseling, said. According to the Mayo Clinic, compulsive sexual behavior disorder (CSBD) is defined as, “An intense focus on sexual fantasies, urges or behaviors that can't be controlled. This causes distress and problems for your health, job, relationships or other parts of your life.” Annie Finch, a certified sex addiction therapist (CSAT) who works at Riviera Therapy, mentions how there are “three Cs” when it comes to CSBD. “[CSBD] is about the reward activity in your brain [that] works to mask an emotional condition, and it becomes out of control. I like to say the three Cs: loss of control, compulsion and then cravings despite negative consequences,” Finch said. Intimacy disorders such as CSBD, also referred to as sex addiction, which is common among males, or love addiction, which is common among females, can be traced back to attachment styles. According to the Cleveland Clinic, this refers to how early caregiver relationships shape adult connections and how those interactions affect the person’s relationships as an adult. The four types of attachment styles are: secure attachment, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment and disorganized attachment. Finch describes how love addiction is trying to be with a person to fulfill the need to be in a relationship and find a feeling of love. “For love addiction, the difference is that this person who has this addiction focuses on getting the feeling of love,” Finch said. “[It] is more about trying to find attachment with a romantic partner to fill a void that developed in childhood due to trauma or an attachment disorder with their parent[s].” DeLucchi mentions how a key difference between CSBD and love addiction is how a person approaches relationships. “With love addiction, it’s that the person doesn’t feel okay unless they have a relationship. That relationship may involve sexual activity, and it might not. But [a person doesn’t] have a tolerance for being alone. With CSBD, it’s kind of separate from relationship[s]. It might be in [a] relationship, it might be completely anonymous, there’s so many different ways that [CSBD] could look,” DeLucchi said. According to the California Department of Education, “The California Healthy Youth Act, which took effect January 1, 2016, requires school districts to provide students with integrated, comprehensive, accurate, and inclusive comprehensive sexual health education and HIV prevention education, at least once in high school and once in middle school.” However, it does not explicitly state that a high school or middle school teaches youth about compulsive sexual behavior disorder, only stating that the education students receive must be comprehensive. Finch mentions how, while she only works with adults, in her circle of sex therapists, it is a common topic that intimacy disorders are not talked about properly in schools. “It is something that we talk about as CSATs commonly, and it is not [taught] as part of sex education in schools. I think pornography is becoming something that is being talked about [more] because it’s impacting students younger and younger,” Finch said. Finch also concedes that administrators must keep in mind that students have to be mature enough to be able to understand the concepts involved with CSBD. She mentioned how it is becoming something that is talked about more in middle and high school settings. As porn becomes more accessible and more available, it has accelerated exposure for youth, which has caused them to be more susceptible to developing CSBD. Finch mentions how, while it is normal to be curious or experience a reaction, there are signs to watch out for. “Some signs to look out for are: are you spending excessive time looking at the material? Do you feel the urge to look at the material? Are you wanting to engage in sexual behaviors with others? [Are you] trying to stop but not being able to?” Finch said. Finch also says that an introduction to pornography at a young age can lead to a continuous snowballing of the desire to engage with sexual material. “People who get involved in compulsive sexual behaviours, especially pornography at a young age, have difficulty understanding normal, healthy sexual behaviour,” Finch said. “Then eventually it leads to more anxiety, more depression, more shame and more isolation.” Jenn Kennedy, a certified sex addiction therapist (CSAT) from Riviera Therapy, mentions how porn can escalate very quickly when there are no boundaries set. “I find that sometimes when people have no filters, no oversight and no internal barriers, they go too far, too fast, too often and then they’re down a rabbit hole,” Kennedy said. Additionally, Kennedy mentions how this cycle can cause the person to feel very irritable and negative. “They feel negative, they feel gross, they feel confused, they feel sort of led to go back and do more of it and more of it and more of it. They don’t feel good at the end of it. That’s also a hallmark of when things have slid into addiction, is after you do it, you feel negative,” Kennedy said. Kennedy also mentions how CSBD is a coping mechanism for many people due to outside stressors taking a toll on the person, and they need instant gratification. “It’s maladaptive. It’s not particularly healthy or helpful, but it’s coping. As stress spikes, as other things aren’t available or as they don’t work as well sometimes for people [fast enough], they’re going to turn to the things that they can get easy access to, and that seem to give them some relief,” Kennedy said. Kennedy adds how the big problem when it comes to watching, for example, large amounts of porn is that individuals experience changes in their mood. “The problem is eventually, it starts to desensitize you, and you start feeling irritable. I’ve seen a lot of young adults who have problems connecting to other people. They have problems with erectile functioning,” Kennedy said. In addition, Kennedy states how, specifically in young men, they do not know how to approach women and do not have realistic expectations around sex. This can cause them to be jealous of their friends or other men who are in relationships because they do not know how to properly engage with a partner. The process of recovery through therapy is recommended for those attempting to change their behavior, according to DeLucchi. A person who starts the process of therapy completes questionnaires and interviews, in which they might assess the person for trauma. If the person has a partner, they will also go through an interview and questionnaire process. Kennedy mentions how there are some things to keep in mind when searching for a therapist. Additionally, DeLucchi mentions how therapy with a professional, either individually or in a group, is not economically possible for everyone. “[Talk therapy] is a really great place, but you need somebody who understands what’s going on, because a lot of therapists don’t if they’re not familiar or trained in addiction medicine,” Kennedy said. DeLucchi said free options are 12-step meetings or group meetings such as Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA). In these meetings, people share their experiences, and everything remains confidential; everyone agrees not to repeat what is shared in the meetings. In 12-step meetings, DeLucchi described how there are 12 specific steps that the members go through to help them recognize their addiction and start the path to recovery. “Individuals can go to a 12-step meeting, and perhaps they hear one person’s story about their own addiction and what harm it cost in their life and what they’ve done to change and how it is going currently,” DeLucchi said. “Each individual can choose to share for a few minutes [about] what’s been going on with them and what their week has been like.” DeLucchi mentions how the value of these meetings is how it helps those struggling with CSBD recognize that they are not alone. “It is such a secret struggle often for people that hearing and being welcomed into a group where it’s talked about, and not with shame and guilt, but [instead] community is so powerful,” DeLucchi said. Kennedy mentions how there are also online meetings that people can attend if they do not wish to go in person, and how there is also literature people can read. In addition, there are many other groups aside from SAA, such as porn addicts anonymous or sex and love addicts anonymous (she mentions this is a good place for women who want support and in a more neutral environment, which feels safer walking into as a female). Finch also adds that SheRecovery is a good resource for girls who wish to receive help. For teenagers in general, Hillcrest Adolescent Treatment Center is also a good resource for those who are seeking support. A main problem with getting help in the United States is that CSBD is not recognized by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) as a disorder. In contrast, the ICD, which is the International Classification of Disorders produced by the World Health Organization (WHO) does recognize CSBD as an impulse control disorder. DeLucchi mentions how, since there is no code for problematic sexual behavior, it is not covered by insurance. “If you need to have specific treatment for this, your health insurance may not cover that. Now, if you have depression or anxiety [in addition to CSBD or a sex disorder], then it could get coded for something else,” DeLucchi said. Kennedy mentions an ideal three-step approach that a young person who is struggling with CSBD could take to start the process of recovery. “As a starting place, just noticing that this thing has got a grip on you. That you are so preoccupied with it. That you are doing this instead of doing other things,” Kennedy said. After noticing changes that a person may be experiencing, Kennedy mentions that the next thing one should try to do is interrupt this pattern. Kennedy suggests that during the time that people would engage in their normal routine, for example, when they come home from school, they instead go for a walk, call a friend or interact with their family. The final step that Kennedy mentioned in this three-step process that can help start a person on the road to recovery is replacement. This, Kennedy said, would be replacing the behavior with something different: a sport, finding an online friend, etc. She states that it is important to break the habit since it can become so ingrained that it’s automatic. Finch mentions how it is important to emphasize that people with CSBD are not “bad” or “broken”. “They were introduced to something that started a process that involves a reward system in the brain and it is highly reinforcing. It’s not because you’re bad, or you’re broken or there’s anything wrong with you,” Finch said. “Just the nature of compulsive behaviors themselves leads to that feeling of shame and secrecy. It is really difficult to ask for help, but asking for help early will save you a world of pain.” Finch has stated that anyone who might feel that they have CSBD or is wishing to seek help and insight can reach out to her through her email address, annie@rivieratherapy.com.