You can do a lot of things without trust, but mentoring isn’t one of them. Often we ask colleagues how things are and the answer we receive is things are “fine.” Fine can mean many things, including that things are indeed fine but fine can also mean I don’t trust you enough to share how things really are.
So how do we get beyond fine and build the trust essential for any mentoring relationship? This section of the eBook is filled with the wit and wisdom mentors have been kind enough to share with me (and with each other) at hundreds of professional learning sessions across Ontario.
Building Relational Trust | Ideas from Across Ontario | Power of Listening
Building Relational Trust
How are you building (and rebuilding) trust in your mentoring relationships?
Ideas from Across Ontario
Building Inclusion
- Structuring goal setting conversations to avoid misalignment of expectations
- Modelling a genuine interest in learning together
- Demonstrating appreciation of and belief in your colleagues
- Providing an oasis of calm
- Celebrating successes together
Modelling Mutual Respect
- Respecting confidential nature of relationship
- Remaining non-judgemental
- Walking in the person's shoes
- Avoiding the "you shoulds"
- Demonstrating congruence between words and actions
- Being receptive to feedback yourself
Sharing "Real World" Challenges
- Sharing own challenges to level the playing field
- Acknowledging the messiness of learning
- Being vulnerable as this opens the door to deeper sharing
- Sharing challenges but also the quiet victories that occur each day
Listening, Listening, Listening
- Being available to listen (both mentally and in real time)
- Being authentically present
- Recognizing the power of silence and the importance of simply listening
- Listening to learn as opposed to listening to speak
- Listening with uncertainty
Some (of so many) sites of learning on my mentoring journey:
Power of Listening
While there are many different approaches to mentorship, what they all share in common is an emphasis on the importance of listening.
Listening is a complex skill. At its core, listening shows we care. It is a powerful tool for establishing and building the trust and rapport essential for any mentoring relationship.
Attending Fully
A real barrier to listening can be actually being present in the moment when someone is speaking. Many of us are guilty of fake attentive listening where we smile and nod at the speaker but in reality we’re thinking of the dozens of things still to do that day.
Attending fully involves physically unplugging from our personal electronic devices and also letting go of our mental e-mail in order to fully focus on the person who is speaking to us.
Pausing and Paraphrasing
Often we listen to speak when engaged in conversation. In other words, we begin to quickly construct answers or advice in our heads rather than truly listening. Both pausing and paraphrasing can be effective tools for acknowledging what the speaker is saying and allowing the person to clarify their thoughts.
An elegant paraphrase doesn’t parrot back everything the speaker has said, rather it’s a single sentence that expresses the gist of what you’ve heard and understood as a listener. We can choose to paraphrase the content of what we’ve heard or the feelings behind them or both. An example is below:
- Sounds like you’re very worried (feeling) about planning for the open house. (content)
Non-Verbal Encouragement
Albert Mehrabian’s pioneering research in the 1960’s examined three key elements of any face-to-face communication:
- Our words / Our tone of voice / Our body language
While his 7 / 38 / 55 rule (7% words / 38% tone / 55% body language) is subject to much interpretation and academic debate, the emphasis of how important non-verbal communication can be is worth considering. If our body language is congruent with the attributes of an effective listener we are sending a message of genuine interest in what the speaker has to say.
Reflecting Feelings
A learning focused conversation is an intricate dance. As a skilled listener you may be adjusting your tone, facial expression or even body position based on the cues you are observing from the person speaking. This is not mimicking or mirroring the person, rather it’s a sense of being in synch.
At its core, reflecting feelings is caring with your heart about what the person with whom you’re conversing is saying. What’s truly rewarding in working with both adults and students is that when people feel that sense of caring, how much richer the sharing of thoughts, feelings, and ideas becomes.
Power of Listening Video (1 min 21 sec)
Goal Setting Conversations
Mentoring is a powerful, personalized learning design. Yet the dynamics of mentoring relationships are complex. When there is a misalignment of expectations significant challenges can arise.
Engaging in collaborative goal setting conversations at the outset of any mentoring relationship helps to set the stage for success. Two potentially powerful outcomes of these learning focused conversations are:
- Building relational trust
- Clarifying roles and expectations
Building Relational Trust
Being “present” by applying the elements of effective listening is at the core of building trust and rapport in any relationship.
Clarifying Roles and Expectations
Positioning yourself as a co-learner by sharing your own learning goals for the mentoring relationship is a powerful approach. Mentoring relationships that flourish are reciprocal – all parties learn and grow.
Possible Goal Setting Conversation Questions
- What strengths and attributes do you bring to your role?
- What are your hopes, wishes and dreams for your students?
- What goals do you have for your professional learning this year?
- How do you see our collaboration best working?
- What are the best ways for us to communicate? (preferred tools, times, methods)
- Who else can provide support and mentorship?
- What are the next steps in our collaboration?
Goal Setting Conversations Video (1 min 11 sec)
Principal Encouragement
In our longitudinal research of the New Teacher Induction Program here in Ontario ongoing feedback and encouragement from the principal was the strongest predictor of growth for new teachers. This speaks to the power of listening, the power of encouragement, and the ability of the principal to be a meaningful piece of a mentoring web for a new teacher.
Just as we ask who mentors the mentors, we might also ask who encourages our principals?
Below are practical examples of how principals can embed the foundational elements of mentorship as they build learning focused relationships in support of educators and ultimately students.
Creating a Mentoring Web
- Introducing new teachers to multiple mentors in their school
- Helping connect new teachers to mentors beyond their school with experience related to their specific teaching context (e.g., French as a Second Language [FSL], Indigenous Language Education, Special Education)
Resources to Support Mentoring Webs
Building Trust
- Modelling inclusion, openness and collaborative practice
- Engaging in goal setting conversations
- Listening
Resources to Support Building Trust
Facilitating Learning Focused Conversations
- Demonstrating flexibility of stance and role (consultant, collaborator, coach) based on the needs of each person
- Deepening understanding of challenges specific to particular teaching contexts
Resources to Support Learning Focused Conversations
Providing Meaningful Feedback
- Being available for ongoing questions, conversations and feedback
- Utilizing protocols like scaling questions and appreciative inquiry to help new teachers reflect on practice, build confidence and develop efficacy
Resources to Support Meaningful Feedback
Utilizing Powerful Mentoring Designs
- Facilitating opportunities for new teachers and mentors to engage in classroom observation and debriefing in their own school or other schools
- Allocating time and resources to support collaboration with multiple mentors
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Reflections | Connections | Intersections
- What practical ideas do you have to continue to build (and rebuild) trust in your mentoring relationships?
- What opportunities are there to deeply listen to the hopes, dreams and wishes of colleagues (and students)?
- How could engaging in goal setting conversations support your learning and growth as a mentor?
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Mentoring Resources
Mentoring Webs | Trust | Learning Focused Conversations